Vedic Reading Series Episode No. 22, Part 1: The Comfort Of Nakedness And Psychosexuality

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Hello,

And welcome to vedic reading series episode No 22 – Part 1: The Comfort Of Nakedness And Psychosexuality.

Our guest in today’s podcast is Barbora. Due to the length of this podcast, we have divided it into two parts. In the first half, we discuss Barbora’s work and in the second part, we discuss her chart. Barbora is a passionate and seasoned practitioner, who has completed her training in Somatic Therapy and Conscious Sexuality in Denmark and London. She is currently completing a diploma in Integrative Psychosexual Therapy at the College of Psychosexual Health in London.

Barbora has a special interest in working with sexuality issues for couples and individuals, offering a trauma-informed approach, using the theory of Dr. Bessel regarding trauma-healing and the importance of bringing the ‘body’ into the therapy room. You can connect with Barbora via her website: https://barboratherapy.co.uk/

So welcome to the vedic reading series episode no. 22: The comfort of nakedness and psycho-sexuality with Barbora.

Below is a written transcript of the podcast

this is arun from ironsyoga.com
i’m a software engineer who mostly work
with
node.js php and other backend
technologies
and i’m an open source contributor as
well
i’m a tantric by birth in a family which
is passing tantric wisdom from
generations to generations from past
2000 years of legacy and got lucky to
travel across
india and got chances to study under
various gurus
from different backgrounds and
disciplines
you could connect with me in irons
yoga.in
here i am helping you to design a divine
lifestyle which is based on
vedic astrology tandra and other yogic
system of
understanding
[Music]
hello and welcome to vedic reading
series episode number
22 the psychosexuality
in today’s podcast we are having a guest
her name is barbora due to the length of
this particular podcast
we have divided this podcast into two
parts
on the first half we are discussing
about the work which barbara does
and on the second part we are discussing
about her chat
barbara is a passionate and citizen
practitioner with a completed
training in somatic therapy and
conscious
sexuality in denmark and london
currently completing a diploma in
integrative psychosexual therapy at the
college of psychosexual health in london
barbara has a special interest in
working with
sexuality issues for couples
and individuals offering a teruma
informed approach using the theory of
dr bessel about derma healing
and the importance of bringing the body
into therapy room
you could connect with her on the
website
barbara therapy.
[Music]
so welcome to the vedic reading series
episode number 22
the psychosexuality part one
hi all today we are having a special
guest
barbara and she is an
expert on the psychosexual therapy
and she has some
knowledge about tantra and she is
helping people
to attain the tantric state which people
are seeking to
uh so let’s talk with barbara
and let’s figure out what and all she’s
actually into
and her therapy how it’s gonna help
people
in long run or short run or
uh to enrich the relationships which
they are having
and how they can go ahead um
rather than that of just being a sexual
being and
how can transcend that particular kind
of energy
into something to connect with the
ultimate and supreme things like that
so uh barbara can you just talk about
these
psychosexual therapy which you are
offering
what will are that actually containing
and
what is this actually is
thank you aaron nice to see you today
and yeah i basically i from tantra
i decided to study more over
psychotherapy and sexuality
because i realize how many people are
traumatized
and to touch the body they feel kind of
you know they go to freeze they go to
some kind of
disconnection because it’s too dangerous
for them through what they have
experienced in their past about body and
sexuality
so last five years i have spent with
studies of psychosexual therapy
that is a specific psychotherapy enter
like a counseling that helps with
identity
with a trauma with understanding people
what is sex
how they are feeling when they are
having sex are they present in their
body
uh can they feel pleasure or is the
pleasure out
how much they are having the kind of
performance instead of really enjoying
the
you know the connection and feeling the
energy
to be able to connect with the other
person with the partner
which i have learned actually in my last
eight years of practicing tantra
and yeah as we spoke i kind of don’t see
myself as an expert i
for me it’s a passion to help people to
connect
i love it it changed my life for me
eight years ago in denmark when i’ve
learned tantra and systemic therapy
so it’s basically helping people to feel
comfortable in their body to feel home
to to be able to express their needs
their boundaries and their desires with
others
and enjoy it through their body with
kind of
you know like spiritual experience of
owning it of embodying it and
celebrating
life through that experience
and be safe and like
sharing with the others if that gives a
sense
so basically can you uh
explain me a bit more specific like for
example if a client is coming to you
uh and he wants a psychosocial therapy
what is that offering you will do
how does it actually uh
um go along with his way like
what under the offering that you include
in your own course
and uh how big
he can differentiate himself from the
being
who is actually going for a psychosexual
therapy
and who is actually came out from a
psychosexual therapy
how these two beings can differentiate
well people who come to psychosexual
therapy
they need to know it’s a process and it
takes time and it takes their energy and
curiosity
and main goal is to help people to feel
safe
while they are sharing and talking about
their
mainly a previous sexual experience that
has not been
nice and often exploring the blocks
what stops them to feel comfortable and
feel the pleasure with partner
or even find a partner what is scary
about
sex and explore first you know the
cognitive side that beliefs we get
through our
growing up in the family in specific
culture
that we’ve been told what is right what
is wrong
who we are supposed to be what is the
role
and unfortunately often men are very
uh limited by watching a porn
because that’s what they think the sex
is which is totally disconnected it’s
kind of article
so as to helping them to talk about well
do they understand by it and then
explore
how the body reacts when you talk about
it so often there is a lot of shame
and guilt about feeling sexual
feeling any desire so i’m helping them
to
find out and normalize it and using the
techniques
from tantra i may not touch my clients
in psychosexual therapy
which is the opposite of tantra which is
mainly the bodywork it’s not the therapy
but it’s uh
a different experience but in
psychosexual therapy i
it’s like it’s inviting them more to be
aware of their body
of the breath and slowing it down
it’s like when we slow down we can feel
and it’s for some people it’s dangerous
to feel because we feel also like
the uncomfortable feelings like
fears guilt shame as i mentioned it
anger sadness and you know we should be
happy in our society
if you are not happy there’s something
wrong with you and often people think oh
there’s something
doesn’t work with me with my genitals i
need to be fixed
because i can’t perform and i try to
explain them it’s like
your body is telling you something it’s
not our dysfunction
it’s your body language is your genitals
are telling you something
if you would like to have a time and
space
to slow down and explore it
so it’s like i don’t call myself expert
even with couples i’m telling them you
know i am not the expert
about your relationship and sex sexual
life you are and just help you to
to bring more awareness understanding
knowledge
and space that is safe
and non-judgmental and that
already is a big help that people who
are ready to go
then it’s beautiful to see them to going
back to their power
that is within it’s not about seeking
power around them
but it’s to connect with the power
within and feel good about
their body to feel good about feeling
you know
arousement in the body and contain it as
what i’ve learned from tantra to feel
sexual doesn’t mean
to have sex it’s our power is the
force we are here all of us are here
things of sex you know
yeah that’s that’s truth
so it’s like feeling happy and proud
about who they are
and feeling their truth owning it and
expressing it
safely and healthy in their life it’s
basically
so my question like for example if some
person has
came to you and he has taken
a course from you like for example it’s
a psychosocial therapy course one
and how he can see
the difference of the being who has
not taken this particular course and who
has
taken so this is same person
he has taken your course and how he can
differentiate himself from the being who
has
not taken this particular course and who
has taken this particular course
how he can differentiate and what are
the difference that will happens inside
him
well that’s very interesting question
aaron because it’s very individual
journey that’s what i love about
you you know we don’t have a recipe how
to have a good sex
because it’s not like a baking bread
it’s
individual it’s like connecting to
yourself and i would say not everybody’s
ready to
to enter that journey like lots of
people are still
uncomfortable not ready to talk about
their
feeling of sexual sexual kind of
understanding i am living in britain
right now
and great britain is you know it’s like
the suppression of feelings emotions and
sexual
uh like people mainly have sex when they
are drunk here
uh just to say loudly the word sex
for some people is still a big problem
so
is this kind of it’s being ready or not
to be ready
i i know it from tantra in a way that if
i invite somebody for the journey just
by touch some people melting and
trusting
and letting go and have really a deep
journey and some people just holding and
controlling
because they’re just not it’s their way
it’s like i like to invite
people and invite them like this is like
a buffet
and i will introduce you to what is
there and it’s up to you what you go for
and what you take and how you take it
so i try not to be in the position of
authority who says i know what you’re
supposed to do
i’m just telling them i’m here to give
you skills and tools
the somatic ones to understand and
connect
into your body you know like just
breathing and squeezing the pelvic floor
muscles which is
kind of tantric technique and uh giving
a time
and asking about how they feel in their
hips often there is lots of like tension
in the body around the sex around the
anus it’s like a holding the tension is
like trying not to feel
or is so it’s like for more somatic and
body part in my psycho sexual therapy
it’s quite
big because sex is whole body experience
uh loving is all but whole body
experience
pleasure is whole body experience
and the breathing is there you know it’s
like it’s supporting it’s following the
universe
ex expose and go back to
like a death and life so teaching people
what are their resources so how they can
cope
later on in life with challenges and
uh with kind of what they expect from
this
themselves and giving self a permission
sometimes they’ve never got the
permission to feel good about their body
about their sexual sexual
energy arousement it’s all covered by
shame and feeling wrong then it’s very
heavy to enjoy
and often i work with people who had
some kind of sexual traumas
abuse rape
heavy childhood where you basically live
just in a survival mode
so in survival there is no space for
sexual energy
it’s way too dangerous it’s we can only
enjoy sex
or feeling even the you know even the
flow of sexual energy
in the body through the meditation we
can enjoy it only we feel
safe connected contained so
it’s mainly helping people to get this
feeling understanding tools and skills
so they are empowered
in their life and then they can make
choices that are based on their
truth on their connection saying yes be
able to say yes what feels good and be
able to say no what does he feel is good
and stand in their power which is all
often is taken
by abuse or you know like
it’s very intimate kind of losing the
power and control of being
violated sexually so it’s like giving
back
that power to them or basically they’re
getting it back i’m just helping them
just to show them the way how
so what is that
answer to your question sorry
no um so is there any story
like which is happened
in your journey of the tantric journey
where some client has came to you and he
has
undergone the therapy which you were
offering
and that has changed his or her life
like something like very amazing way do
you have any story to share
if you don’t like to share the name also
it’s okay is there any story like that
which actually happened
and they are actually grateful to you
i i can share some stories it’s maybe
like important i may
work with psychosexual therapy or with
tundra unfortunately i may not combine
it
uh but in tantra that what led me to
understand and
actually finding out what i can do in
tantra and yeah i had
surprisingly few men i worked mainly
with men but
also with couples and women but it’s
interesting
the women are melting they just really
go for nice pleasurable journey
very quickly for men sometimes it’s hard
to
build up the trust and relax and go and
and often or sometimes what happens uh
body can
shake and for me it’s still important
the space is safe
and people can say no stop any moment
when they stop to feel safe or
comfortable
that’s like a crucial thing in my
tantric sessions
and yeah i had few men who actually went
through some kind of
understanding of their body feeling more
powerful
feeling especially as i said about the
hips you know
the touch is there my invitation with
tantra the touch is there to invite
people to
connect with their bodies about feeling
the sensation but not mine but
their own body to realize how amazing
our body can be if you invite it to that
connecting feeling like it’s very hard
to explain because it goes beyond the
mind you may
know and it’s beautiful to see a man
coming after like they’ve been maybe a
few couple of
sessions and then they say yeah you know
actually i feel much better i feel much
more powerful
i’ve been abused sexually as a child and
you helped me with that approach to to
get over it
and even i had a guy who was really
trying hard
with losing his erection having
a treatment for cancer
and uh prostate cancer and realizing he
can still feel
amazing sexual uh power
in his body even he had lost the full
erection even
he is not the man and he as he was
before
so it’s like it’s offering the the
connection that
really support people on their journeys
that has individual
impact and
that’s maybe part of what i enjoy to do
is to see the difference in people it’s
like
you you see the face of a person and the
person is coming and then they are
leaving it’s a different phase
and that that’s that’s amazing to see
men melting actually to men be more
vulnerable that’s what i believe we need
in our world that men can feel
vulnerable they can be more emotional
and it can be connected themselves
it’s not about their acting and
performing insects trying to just
satisfy the woman but to teach them it’s
about their pleasure and if they connect
it and feel
comfortable about themselves they have
so much
to offer and to share so for me like
helping to people understand it’s not
about giving and pleasing
the other it’s about
again slowing down and with your
pleasure you can invite the other
person to feel the pleasure through the
skin so and then you can
you know build up the pleasure together
you share it
and then there is this kind of beautiful
flow
and and it’s not about reaching the
orgasm
or or any kind of body stimulation to
get somewhere as we used to like
you know it’s like it’s about fulfilling
uh emotional connection that feels
just right and
yeah again it’s a bit hard to explain so
it’s like i’m making love
through yourself with the other person
inviting them
to be in the same space
if that if that gives a sense again it’s
like
so uh from your experience what is that
actually a woman is looking from a man
and what’s that actually a man is
looking from a woman
ah is that synchronize each other or
um i’m not talking about
a a small percentage of client
there is out of 100 there may be one or
two it’s not like that i’m
asking about in generally what is that
the women usually look for from the
men and the men um who is actually
looking from the women and
we know that we are all tantric
practitioners we
actually uh see the orgasmic
existence in a melting point where men
and women come together and they melt
each other and they can feel the
absolute
sense of the existence in a particular
uh point of time so
what is that exactly every man is
looking from a man and what is that
exactly a
man is looking for a woman
that’s also a good question and i can
tell just for my
experience and practice and
you know we can use like connection with
the others too many
reasons but through tantric experience
i think we all kind of looking for
connection
all wants to be seen and like
uh you know it’s like it’s the best
thing
that i can have as a woman if men can
see me and feel me
if he can be present in his body
and of course the kind of
connecting is against very hard to con
for me it’s
hard to use the word because the
the orgasmic experience you just talked
about it goes totally beyond the words
it’s something undescribable and
individual and it’s
like again if the men
often try to like or men
comes to say i want to be a better lover
teach me how should i touch women or
teach me
how should i give the woman a great
orgasm and again the orgasm
he means the the ten the tens of uh
you know like a body stimulation it’s
not this deep connection
so i try to help them to understand the
approach it’s not about doing
it’s about being and more you can be in
yourself and own your sexual energy
then this orgasmic connection can happen
just through uh
you know just sitting on each other’s
lap like
and breathing which sometimes could be
amazing
orgasmic uh experience for couples or
i talk maybe from my own experience just
this could be amazing
just to breathe with my partner from
math month and
stay in hack and feel the body and be
able to be both
present and so it’s
helping people to have this approach of
we are not
having sexual connection or tantric
connection to
reach the orgasm the orgasmic experience
comes itself because we are opening up
for it
because we don’t have expectations from
each other or from our body
we just connecting more and more
to that divine uh
experience together where there is no
goal there is nothing to reach
and in the moment we can let go this you
know this is this controlling mind
we need to do that and get there
in moment we can just be the thing
starts to happen these things start to
be more powerful and i believe you may
understand that
uh again it’s hard to talk about but
yeah it’s beautiful to see if i work
with couples
how they actually realizing oh wow okay
i’m not here to please her and think
about what i should do and where to
touch
and who and this and like stay in your
hands
and see how you can hunt the the
pleasure for yourself
by touching and honoring her body
and then i can see how they kind of
connect
more and it’s go more natural and in the
flow
and the women i believe we are made a
bit more intuitively to let go with the
man who knows
how to just you know it’s like the man
is the one
inviting but the women is the one that
gives him that key to invitation
or it’s like this supporting each other
in that it’s like this dance together
like a feminine masculine
i don’t know so if that’s a
so okay let’s simplify this
i say women what are you looking from
eminem
sorry sir i said women but are you
looking from a man uh what are
you men looking from women no
i say women you are a woman so what
is that exactly you looking from a man
during the love
making yeah i believe like
feeling wanted feeling
take care of and you know in
sexual life the women are the passive
ones
and men has to be the active ones in the
room like
physically so it’s uh it’s a beautiful
act of
there’s somebody who wants me who kind
of adore me
uh and this like connection
that i can feel him he is kind of
connected to me so it’s a little bit
like uh
the expectation or wanting i i mean
again it’s the connection in a unique
way
where i can feel safe and i can open up
and be vulnerable
because i can only again feel
connected when i’m vulnerable so
i would say the men that are authentic
and
connected to their body and can
you know it to lose erection often
happen it’s normal
and it’s like doesn’t mean that’s the
end of
the sexual experience it could be still
beautiful and it comes again it’s like
the waves
again
i believe lots of women again what they
believe that’s what i do in psychosexual
therapy that’s what i’m questioning like
what is your role as a woman what do you
expect to be role men
in sex or in sexual life and we have
this
beliefs that comes from oh i need to
please him and he need to please me and
how lots of couples are
kind of working on that or you know it
comes from that understanding of what is
relationship why people getting married
sex has been
in in britain i can speak just for
britain it’s like
last 50 years after second world war the
sex has been
announced and thought only as a
having children because you know like we
need to grow up the population so you
just have sex
to have children there is no talk about
pleasure connection
love and it’s it’s a kind of so
it depends on with whom you’re working
or where are people coming from what’s
their background and
i i believe in tantra the the key is the
curiosity
and questioning yourself your feelings
slowing it down and then smile about
thinking am i doing right or am i doing
it wrong
instead of like how do i feel what do i
shall i do something to feel a little
bit more relaxed
should i what can i do to feel a little
bit more
conscious or am i checking in my
where am i doing this specifically to
reach something
or to please somebody or it was like
questioning
wondering be be curious
that’s where i try to help people and
that would help me it was a big
big moment for my life to stop to judge
myself to start to
touch my action uh judge my role
uh judge the others and and then i can
be much more free
and playful which i also find a great
great tool for therapy
and for tantra the playfulness
it’s like hunting that way of feeling
good
so i had
actually i had a podcast with somebody
who is
actually studying about the porn
addiction like he was upon addict and
he is actually recovering now like one
of the
important point he’s actually pointing
out is that nowadays
the women don’t want to make love
with the someone who is actually
a virgin because
their mind is actually into the
pawn what they see on the phone they see
it as a real kind of thing and they
try to uh do the exact same when they
are having
an actual partner and this is actually
ends up in the very um
violated situation how do you reflect
towards this this this anything like
that has came
across in your upper core how do you
reflect to this
yeah i actually in tantra and against
like
distinguishing between therapy and
tantra in tantra
i had quite a few young men let’s say 25
up till 30 who came for session
a few times to to get help with
porn addiction which you know porn is
an article as i as we spoke just a few
minutes before and
it’s made for make people to be
attracted and pay money for it
so it’s about it’s really made clever in
a way to
to make a lot of intense excitement and
uh present sex in a article way
so to sell and then people who watching
it since they are young
man they think this is normal this is
what
sex is this is what is expected even
from them
and i’m sorry to say the women are there
just as a
it’s it’s a bit degrading you know it’s
like
using the woman only for yeah
i don’t i hardly saw any i’m trying from
my profession with some of my friends we
sometimes having a
length of sharing the porn that could be
it’s kind of a ethical porn
which is much more milder
it’s more loving it’s about caring
compare it
to the to the marketing porn which is
selling the excitement
and what does it do it’s like it’s
basically disconnect
rest of the body you’re in a shallow
breath and everything that goes
goes through your adrenaline and
the men often losing total sensation in
their body
so that’s what i’ve realized through men
coming to me to tantra it was very
helpful to them
to reconnect to the body it helps to
it’s like if you’re eating
a very uh chili like you know a kind of
strong taste food or meals
your tongue stop to feel it gets kind of
used to
very rough taste but if you slow down
and start to take care
and kind of building slowly the bridge
uh that the taste is coming back the
mild
sensitive taste is coming back and often
what men
do during watching the porn is they
masturbate
very hard and they’re rubbing very hard
their
genitals that means they are losing the
sensation
they’re getting really kind of rough to
their body
uh because there is no connection there
is no sensation there is no
like connecting to the hormones like
endorphin that’s absolutely supporting
the connection and feeling self
connected and
energized and loving and fulfilling it’s
a little bit like eating fast food
compare it to go for a nice
wonderful curry food you know it’s like
the tasteful
gentle like so yeah
it’s it’s a phenomenon of our
society where you can just write two or
three
letters of pro it’s just por and
you get lots of videos to watch
so it’s about education educate people
help them to understand talk about what
actually each of in the partnership what
they actually want what they need what
they are scared of
where are they kind of you know i’m
afraid if i will not perform like this
you will
not be happy with me as a man so it’s
all about communication
uh and that’s what i do in a therapy to
help people to express
because sometimes i say how he wants to
have sex when you can’t even name it
what is important for you what do you
want how do you feel
when i just ask my clients like how is
it for you
how was your sexual experience
and again it’s like checking into the
body what’s going on for you
this like heartbeats you know can you
breathe does it feel as comfortable
talking about it is there an emotion is
there any
like where’s the tension and help to
slow it down and normalize it
so so help people to own actually their
their kind of what is it
questioning again be one be curious
wonder
what is it i’m actually as a sexual
being what i may think to enjoy
with my partner can i ask her for it
uh what i’m scared of
what is the biggest fear and often when
we say it loud the fear
that seems to be big it’s actually
then doesn’t get too scary
that’s my experience from the therapy
and
in tantra when people have this space
for just being
and feeling their body and saying you
know there is no expert
i’m like it’s about feeling sexual again
it’s in my center i really in
trying to explain heart in britain’s
like
to feel sexual doesn’t mean to have a
sex because that’s what they
kind of have in their uh expectations
sometimes unfortunately so it’s like
holding the space where they can feel
sexual
not having sex with me but feel sexual
and
whatever does it mean for them as long
as i save and they are comfortable with
it
so sometimes men can feel orgasmic
energetic without
having erection which is beautiful and
they are realizing how beautiful it is
or they can feel aroused
that’s they know for me it’s a body
body expression so it’s not like oh you
may not
react like this or you have to react
like that when there are not
kind of expectations and you can let
your body be free
that’s when the things can start
deepening and connecting and
yeah and and then then the understanding
of porn is
losing the power because you’re
realizing the power is in your body in
the sensation and
you want something more than just
following this
performance basically it’s just the
performance that’s
often supported by drugs by
supplements and stuff like this
so i’ve been asking about the um
pornography on the young adult like the
adult work they comes to themselves
as a first-hand educational material
uh for them to study abroad and things
like that in that that
situation do you think the uh
tantric way of teaching or the tantric
way of
understanding can help them to lead
a better sexual life or
will it help them to you know
to be become more
[Music]
more connected to their bodies
my experience is it can really help uh
if the men will come in are kind of
you know it’s not just about my
invitation and my work
the people needs a kind of motivation of
start to finding something else in their
life often there is a reason why they
are mainly ending watching just a pawn
which again significantly goes to my
psychosexual therapy where they don’t
feel this
confidence or they just don’t feel
good enough in society this is the
easiest point to
kind of get somehow sexual and
and there’s anxiety of meeting women in
real life
so for them it’s the dance when i help
them in time for to connect
with the body and say this is this is a
lovely way how are you gonna feel this
is this fulfilling
kind of breathing and connecting
and it’s the the touch is there to
invite you to
feel back from this kind of cut of
disconnection
when you’re watching porn and just
mainly the head
so and the gentle you know like we’re
talking in tantra about the lingam
massage where
lots of men are asking me oh lingamas is
like kind of wow
that’s what i’m coming for i’m like you
know it doesn’t matter if i touch your
lingam
or your face or your or your arm it’s
the
the body is the temple it’s all
important and the touch is there to just
give you the sensation we often touch
genitals
mainly with reason just to get something
out of it and again it’s not the touch
it’s like stimulation so tantric touch
it’s not stimulation it’s a
it’s it’s a touch that invites to feel
and feel good
and from that relaxation and just
sensing
and feeling sensual then you can feel
sexual and then
it’s about feeling that whole energy
going through the body that’s
kind of what i try to offer in my
tantric sessions
and let people to understand it through
the body embody it
not to think about it and understand oh
what should i do
on what she’s doing to me it’s more like
letting go and enjoy justice
became a sensation basically become your
body became your sensation and
that can that’s my experience that helps
men who are
kind of disconnected due to being
watching too much
porn and again what’s the addiction then
we can discuss another hour which i have
a few my colleagues in
psychosexual therapy who are really good
at it and spend couple of years with it
and
and the treatment of porn addiction is
like one big
question but yeah it’s like
helping people to get not so rough with
themselves
get more connected sensitive
self you know self care and self love
that’s what i find in tantra is
important not as much as sexual energy
but this connecting with this i actually
feel
good about myself i don’t need to i am
perfect as i am
i am loving that touch that my body is
able to enjoy and feel
that’s where i find a nice effect of
of tantric session of some trick touch
tantric
massage whatever we call it when
yeah people can just let go and that’s
my main teaching teach them to let go
and be
which for men is a challenge because men
wants to do or reach or you know this is
this men energy too
well so i understand it’s like giving
them this
gently softly and saying like sometimes
you don’t have to you can just be and
it’s perfectly fine
so um there are
some kind of treatment like in tantra
like for example erectile dysfunction um
men who are having problems with their
erection so
do you recommend any kind of medicine
for this kind of people so
do you think that the therapies which
you can offer can actually overcome
these kind of
problems uh from men
well in therapy our first interest as a
as a trained psycho-sexual therapist is
to ask people
if when there is a for example for men
having problem with erection
i need to know his health conditions and
ask him to go to check
because often what happens it could be
diabetes
it could be heart problems it could be
something what is really like
a illness in the body
that doesn’t help the erection to come
because it’s a pumping blood
into a specific part of the body which
is this genitals
so i need to be sure that they are not
going to therapy and we’re not going to
try to
reach a therapeutic kind of
approach and process in a way that they
have diabetes they do not know
and then erection could be really
difficult in
that moment so to find out if
the body is really healthy often what i
can ask man
do you experience your erections in the
morning which is natural
thing for men most of the men has so
it’s
or and then i can recognize if they go
for the check
if the hormones are fine if the heart is
beating in the right way and they are
healthy
then we start to look at the somatic
part like a psycho
psychosomatic way of often it is about
belief of perform
there could be lots of kind of
is this like a feeling the shame what
we’ve been told as a children about
touching our body
uh what’s our first sexual experience is
when we start to feel excited and
again for men it could be like wow this
was wrong
uh the woman said oh you’re not good
enough or all these
like hurting and painful
experiences could be influencing
the erection or difficulties with
erection
on the other hand when i work in tantra
it’s again it’s a
it’s a place where they can just
experience it’s not a therapy it’s an
experience where i can tell i might just
be and stop to
push again it’s like reaching the orgasm
of i try to say to people the genitals
are the most honest part of our body
you know they never lie they just say
you like it you don’t like it you feel
ready you don’t feel ready
and it’s so individual so
i like to give this experience to people
when they maybe first time in their life
they are not
expected to perform and do anything
especially for men
and that’s a space where the erection
can come back and
and so i mean it just can come up and
down
up and down and it’s this normal it’s
like all these
pawns about men going for hours and just
you know and when you say about the
treatment of course if
i have clients with in therapy with
prostate cancer and they may lose
the ability to get the erection and
there are lots of
there could be blue pill they could be
pills the question is
it could just help to to keep the
confidence
up you know for some men it works for
some men it loses the sensation of their
linga of their penis it’s again it’s
there are
you know it could go into really extreme
when there are
and the men can use the injections which
for some men is super scary
in the for me the beginning when i just
start to go to this medical way i was
like oh this is
and i realize there are some manners
like it works perfectly well for me for
my relationship now
because that’s where i can get help
there are pumps which i recommend to
every client who has problems just to
say it’s a little bit like if you
imagine you have problem with your arm
muscle and the the doctor ask you to
you know to have some exercises to keep
the tissues and the muscles in a kind of
connected and
and way of working with it it’s the same
with the like with the pumps
it’s not about having erection erection
it’s about
it’s and literally even it feels a bit
clinical i try to help people to see
there’s a ritual
a ritual where you kind of connecting
with yourself and giving yourself time
to
train a bit your body to do how you feel
about it
slowing it down again for me what is
the most important is the sensation do
you feel pleasure
even if you don’t have erection you feel
pleasure you can still enjoy a lot in
sexual life
even if it becomes limited because of
any
kind of incident or situation in your
life
so it’s still possible to be sexual
and yeah find the alternatives but where
you can be playful and
to be honest with few men who have been
through operations and
cancer of their prostate they actually
realize they have better sexual life
even they can’t get full erection
because they are more playful they are
more open
they are able to enjoy more the pleasure
of the whole body
if that gives a sense so it’s all
individual how people take it uh what
they’re able to face
how can they open up to different
possibilities and what works for each of
them
individually or for couple
so
what are the sexual problems
that could be healed for a woman
through tantric
[Music]
therapy let’s call this therapy for a
short
time for the
women what are the kind of uh treatment
you can offer uh from your
understanding on this particular brand
of science
for women it’s often very connected with
shame
with the disconnection with you know
already in
climax like already in our abdomen or in
where it starts the uh
the chakra of the you know the solar
plexus
we often like disconnected there because
they hate their body
they don’t like their belly or even
their sex
organ it can be quite challenging for
them to
it’s about self-love about women i
believe it to me it opened up
a whole different life in tantra i start
to see myself very
different things of tantra because i
start to feel my body is amazing
i don’t need to be perfect i already am
perfect and
it’s changed my life that’s why just
when i was
26 27
it totally changed my life and i start
to work with it to spread it
to other people so the the this
connection
with your body for women especially is
about loving
caring not feeling like
you know we have erection of our vagina
it’s just non-visible but it’s like we
need to get the wraps as well as men
do but for men it’s very visible and
it’s kind of very embodied
it’s kind of clear but for women
the vagina a connection with vagina it’s
still it has been always kind of
uh it still is like how the women’s
sexuality works
how we can express it and explore it uh
because it’s all so connected with
this feeling safe and comfortable
against like saying it
so when i am nervous when i start to
of course i don’t want to relax and
enjoy
anybody to touch me around or even my
genitals so
it’s become like so with women the
tantra is helping them to
feel pleasurable passionate in their
body
realizing how amazing it is it’s not
about having five kilo less or more
or having specific breasts or even to
understand the vagina or vulva like
it’s like unique can look very different
from one woman to another woman and it
doesn’t mean right or wrong
and letting to know herself especially
for her
through her vagina through her uni if
you speak with the language of tantra
so that’s and i’m not a big uh
you know like a uni massage for me it
means just helping women
to hold i am not a big
fan of vaginal mapping or
like it’s it’s more to help women to
discover it
slowly than themselves and see what they
actually like
which part of their body is feeling more
central
or erotic connected whatever
can they share it with their partner
then
and there is nothing more uh attractive
when
people feel good about themselves you
know when the woman feels
kind of embodied in the in her body and
she loves her body she feels
sexually connected and happy for
who who she is then i believe that
that’s actually what is
attractive that is what brings the
passion and connection is this i feel
good about myself
it’s lovely my body is amazing and i can
enjoy every touch just a kiss or touch
or hug could be
a lovely like you know even that could
be good enough
so so building up from that
attitude to your body to can can people
look at themselves
what we started in my tantric uh
learning is just to look into each
together
in a big room separately in each other
naked
in the you know into the mirror and just
meditate like
three minutes standing and breathing
deeply and see what’s going on in my
mind
what our questions judgments are going
on they’re like
can i really enjoy to look at myself
so i believe everything start with
connection with yourself
and again with tantra i am there to help
people
to to slowly connect
and feel and realize
hmm it’s not about what i think of what
i believe it’s about what i feel
and and what kind of from if i can feel
myself
i can express myself so i can be seen
and heard
and that’s why i look i as a woman look
for men or my partner is like
luckily a man who can see men hear me i
can feel present or we feel
present with each other and that was a
great gift for tantra i’ve
hardly had until i was 25 totally
disconnected hating my body
uh didn’t know what to really do
i had sex just satisfy men and feel good
about myself that
i can satisfy men and i can feel like a
woman then
as hardly any sensation and pleasure in
my body so tantra was a whole journey to
that
wow moment of saying like just a few
deep breath and
understanding how i can squeeze the
muscles in my body can
feel quite orgasmic and that’s why i’m
happy to enjoy the other people into
this stage
and i don’t if i can ask you for thank
you
so uh one question
you know there is something called the
how you heard about the
thousand dollar spot
how you heard about the thousand dollar
sport
you mean the g spot or thousand dollar
spot
where men can actually call the orgasmic
experience without exact question
all that well as i say it’s like i’m
i’ve been feeling tantra as an
expert of using techniques but
from my experience i had men who can
quite easily go there after a few
sessions
and then i have men who just
do not after like or they are not
relaxed enough they
can’t let go i believe it really depends
on how you can let go
the idea of reaching
orgasm so i mean if you start to hunt it
it’s like it doesn’t come then or it
comes in
stimulate stimulation way but if you can
just let go
and stop to kind of think about it and
see this is
what i am here to reach instead of i’m
here to experience whatever is here and
now
my experience often this came naturally
and i’m still on a journey of exploring
it i don’t have right answers
about it and how to reach it i still say
to
people who come to me for tantra i’m
like it’s a bonus it’s a it’s a bonus
when it comes when
when is the right moment and still just
the feeling
of connection is still good enough so
i’m not trying to say to people if you
come start to practice time and i
believe
it takes time it took me time it takes
time to practice yoga as well you know
to take care of your body
to do some breathing time off
and short kind of meditations or
self-awareness exercises
so it’s it’s a journey it’s not like
coming for two or three tantric sessions
to get into that point
and i take it as a gift of the life that
may come to me or to other people
if they just enjoy life
through the body yeah
maybe i’m not sure if that was the right
answer for you
oh what does that there is no right
answer for me like
we are just having a discussion and
whatever is coming out
that’s it there is nothing like uh you
know i’m expecting i’m not expecting
something like
there is a spot where i can reach i’m
not expecting that okay
like let’s have a discussion that like
let’s see and how it’s reaches where you
know
that is i’m not seeking the orgasmic
spot
because i’m already over there like it’s
already there
you know exactly that’s why i mean like
i i still feel you may know even more
than i do or
no it’s not like that like you know um
still you know something and which i
don’t know i know something which you
don’t know
probably it will be good for both of us
it probably it will be good for somebody
else out there who is
gonna watch this particular program or
uh who is
actually want to learn something uh on
tantra
from either of us or whatever it is
properly
right yeah yeah somebody will reach you
uh as a client after this thing
well yeah it’s like in psychosexual
therapy i work even online but
uh tantra of course it’s just uh face to
face
uh so an online program what and all you
are offering
as a psychosocial therapy online
well you know it’s not like a program
it’s a process of therapy
so then i meet people
for therapy session which takes 60
minutes
where we talk and we we made a
first of all agreement about why they
are coming what they need
what they expect from it what are their

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needs what are their issues
and that’s the first session which is
kind of assessment agreement
about knowing a little bit of their
history and
the motivation to come and understand
it’s a process
i am not in to like a long-term therapy
which like takes one to three years
i’m more into like half a year
therapy where we may see like each
week or once in two weeks and
again it takes sometimes like a time of
my clients to write a journal to do some
exercise
i asked them to do as i mentioned for
example
uh watching yourself in the mirror naked
or self-pleasuring masturbated in front
of your
self seeing your face in the mirror
which is kind of interesting uh
experience and and bringing that to a
therapy space where we can explore it
and help them to understand help them to
orient in their life
in the body so the program is
it’s i work with
integrative therapy that means the
integrative means
taking from different therapies uh what
is needed individually for
the person for the client or for the
couple
so and then i like to use a tantric
exercises but
not through my hands or not through me
but you know with the tantra
understanding
is imprinting imprinted in my therapy
work
of course and to help them to give them
some
playful homeworks or uh
interesting exercises to you know
to actually connect in the body and see
could you express your boundaries to
each other or could you express it
with me as with therapists and how does
it feels and
through that getting the power talking
about the needs
slowly talking about the desires
and um yeah for some it could be
10 sessions and they got what they
wanted for some
i’m having clients now who stays with
actually like
almost 10 months and it’s women with
endometriosis young woman
which means that her vagina is
getting tight and painful and there is
lots of
pelvic floor pain because she was
basically totally ignoring her
sexuality and sexual life that was not
allowed to be
seen and heard very individual that’s
why like you know i i don’t have any
specific receipts
or techniques to say if you do this and
that then i’m not fixing people i’m
helping them to give them
the more understanding and the awareness
of who they are
and that is what is transformative
the program it’s it’s it’s their power
they tell me what they need and how long
they want to meet me and if it should be
every week or
twice a month or once a month
it’s just i try to give them the power
and and and dance with it a little bit
and see
if they’re ready when they are ready
what is it
they want to bring and look at
so the yeah so what is that
yeah it’s like a thinking in the program
like yeah it’s like i work individually
with people i don’t offer like specific
programs to follow or
i like i like the individual connection
and
embrace this individual every individual
client
um how was your tantric journey
when you you are saying approximately
eight years you have
been into this particular path and now
you are looking back
to where did you begin and where did you
reach it
like what would you say to your eight
year old
younger self
well i would just say great i’ve studied
i as i said for me it was such a huge
transformation
and to be honest i don’t feel i choose
tantra to work with it
i just went to a a seminar in denmark
where i lived
before uk before london and brighton
so i lived eight years in denmark
in jutland and because i was social
worker and
worked mainly with young people young
girls like 14 17
and they were drug drug abusing drugs or
they were abused sexually or they were
selling their body to get the drugs so
they’re quite from a raw uh background
and the sexuality was used and abused
and it was just
terrible so i looked for something where
i in my own life can
finally enjoy the the light you know the
gold stuff of the sexual
energy and then i met the right people
in
in denmark that time a great group who
just
said you know this is a space where we
explore where we touch consciously
getting
in touch with the body we are accepting
or respecting each other’s boundaries so
you need to just express so i learn a
lot about
my boundaries i hardly could say no to
anything
i couldn’t even let my voice to speak so
it has taught me a lot
about myself embodying uh
my knees and my boundaries and be able
to say yes to something what feels good
so
i believe as i mentioned it before a few
times the shame and guilt
about the body about even women feeling
sexual
it means we haven’t been really allowed
in our society you know it’s a little
bit like
playing with the fire uh
and we are supposed to feel ashamed
often when
and men as well if the men show up
sexual energy
they may be judged so
the judgment in our society is strong
about sexual energy sex
excitement and central helped me a lot
to basically
feel really good in my body to love
myself to adore
my my sex organs to to feel
relaxed and comfortable to know how to
how to ground myself when the starts
when the life starts to be tough and
to feel my power to be able to express
my anger sometimes
you know me to be angry doesn’t mean to
be dangerous it’s just enough to say
now i need space or still you know
or even to talk with my partners
about the desires and not feel bad about
it
uh so yeah i love my life now it’s
changed totally who i am
and and it led me to uh work with the
therapy and
more with people who are having maybe
even
much more struggling through not being
able to express themselves not feeling
safe in the world
not feeling safe in their body
so i’m grateful for all people i’m at
i’m grateful for
for my forum like my journey that i’ve
decided to go through
but it felt very natural
it’s like if you ask me eight years ago
when i went to my first seminar that i
will work with tantra
i will touch people i will honor the
body i will be able to
enjoy and feel myself like i was like
no that’s not i don’t think that’s what
you it shouldn’t be me you’re talking
about
and yeah i absolutely adore it
and uh i wouldn’t make any other change
even for some people
especially here in england i may be
kind of present a stranger and when i
say i work with
tantra here it’s like what is like a
sexual sex work or what is it
or people may think a lot
and it took me a bit time to be able to
feel comfortable
and say i know what i’m doing and
as you’ve been asking me if i know some
people that really find tantric
sessions or meeting me for their tantric
journey
be their guide helpful and
transformative
yeah it’s it’s where you really finding
out i maybe do something what has
quite the meaning it is quite deep and
it can help others
and it’s it’s great i feel it’s the
nature of human being
the body is actually perfectly made
to receive and enjoy the pleasure
so yeah you know we don’t have any fur
we don’t have any
uh like th that the skin that
it is there to to enjoy the just
we are very vulnerable as humans when it
comes to the body
but it means we can really enjoy
the the sensation and the pleasure
so why not to celebrate life like this
so if somebody want to start the tandem
journey you will
say look you can go ahead or
you should you should not do this or you
should go to this
like that is there anything you will say
for somebody who is just starting his
uh beginning i mean he or she is just
starting
his or her journey on to the tantric
part what would you say
like because the tundra is something
which is like acceptable everything is
accepted and
there is no particular thing uh uh
to be eliminated like all other kind of
spiritual practices like
you should not do this you should not do
that like that nothing is there on
tantra
tantric way and it is just saying that
you should
accept it and move on to the ultimate uh
so how what would you say
for somebody who is younger than you who
is just starting the journey
well maybe what is important
i would say is what i’ve learned mainly
in tantra is to slow down
because we’re hunting the intensity
which could be great
but again if you see the ocean
and you can see how much power is there
you know
in the waves but in the other day it can
be very
calm but the power is there even more
it’s like
it’s like you’re waking up your inner
power
and more you can contain it like people
come to say i want to control my sexual
energy
and what i’ve learned from i just like
try to release control
with control like you know it’s a little
bit like
going like this the control the contain
containing it means like you can feel
through whole body
and by just feeling it you can enjoy
being with it or often people
like when they start to wake up their
sexual energy and it was even
my my beginning
that i felt very sexual and i had quite
quite a few sexual partners and i was
very active sexually
to use the energy immediately it took me
quite some times to realize i
want to slow down and with the breathing
i
can contain it without feeling
uncomfortable
about feeling excited too much that i
want to
use it and having physically sex with
somebody to
go for it so i believe to people
just be curious
don’t have many expectations from
yourself enjoy the journey
journey itself you know it’s it’s and be
safe be always sure you
are with the right people you can you
are you are safe
and uh and they accepting or respecting
full your boundaries
that’s why i believe it’s important and
yeah it again is the the the
intention why people of the tantra can
be so individual
so with my clients i’m very clear
about saying you know this is not
leading to any relationship this is not
leading to any like
having sex together but it’s about
you it’s like you’re if you’re coming
because of me it’s maybe not the right
move like it’s maybe not the right
intention it’s about
i want you to be in yourself i want you
to have journey with yourself
i’m here just to connect everything what
you feel is yours i’m not giving you
anything
that’s maybe you know it’s like so
people can understand it’s about
themselves
and their skin and their connection and
um if that’s again
the kind of question the answer to your
question
because what can you say generally about
central when it’s so
so individual so uh
unique for each person kind of their
their journey their
discoveries their sensation their the
each body is
amazing and different and uh unique
so take it from it’s like take it as a
generally treat yourself as your body is
a temple
and as the life is a gift you know
so how people can contact you like uh
do you use any website or anything like
any facebook yeah
what’s up what is that i
that’s like the part of like i really
used my tantric work
more like my lifestyle and
i see maybe like two or three people a
week not more
because for me it’s very important i
have space and time and energy for that
session
which i do two hour session or two and a
half hour sessions
i’m based in brighton in uk uh in
great britain and i have a website which
is called
slow sexuality dot com so i don’t even
call it
tantra because there are so many tantras
here
that are not tantra so i wanted to
really be sure that people
find me when they really look for the
authentic uh
tantric experience not for any kind of
fixing
or so so i really work with people who
are
interested and deeply looking for
something what is real
so it’s slow sexuality which for me
that’s talks for what i’m doing slowing
down
and it is about being sexual and
feeling sexual and
enjoying it without using it
yeah or they can find me in my therapy
as a barbarotherapy
in uk if you write my name as you may
see on
on then some website comes up for you
and
then you just call or write an email and
i i will back
i will get back to people who may be
interested
and it’s all about having a short
conversation
and hearing why why they are contacting
me what they look for
and if i can offer them what they look
for so
and hearing their story a bit and their
intention and take it
individual way from there
so do you want to say anything which we
haven’t covered
uh all this discussion over here
well i just want to say thank you for
invitation i won
it’s lovely that you you contacted me
and want to know more about my work and
yeah maybe i think i’ve said way too
much already
and uh it’s it’s like yeah
i i enjoy to work with
the sexuality to help people to find
that
you know feeling good
and if i feel good i can be good to the
others so it’s like spreading that kind
of light that kind of
self-caring loving uh connection with
others
and that’s maybe my way how we can
make the world a bit better place and
take it with a flow yeah
uh so then now the next thing is we have
to discuss your chart actually
like uh is that okay we are discussing
it three days from today
yeah it could be perfect thank you i’m
happy to find the time
because uh yeah is that okay like
yeah you tell me you know you were you
were too kind to do that for me so
i’m happy to
[Music]
so do you have any experience have you
done your chat before
previously uh yes i do with
uh with one guy from ireland from dublin
that has been
recommended to me so that was
my first chart reading and then
within this last three years my kind of
dear friend she became
very much interested in astrology and
chart reading so i sometimes basically
asking her for some some consultations
which i’ve done lately actually in in
march
this year about what’s going on with me
my work and
uh staying in uk because i’m still
questioning question
i should stay here in uk or i should go
back to
denmark or yeah let’s see so it’s kind
of
again like you’re questioning wondering
so i find it as an inspiration yeah
so thank you for joining uh with us for
a wonderful episode and we will be
connecting again
to talk about your chart on our next
episode thank you very much
thank you for listening to my podcast
you could connect with me in irons
yoga dot iron where you could
see my contact details including my
phone number
my whatsapp and email id stay tuned for
more
exciting episodes
[Music]
you

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