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Hi All,
Today’s podcast we are having a guest his name is Joshua. In at this podcast we are talking about porn addiction, sexual violences need for sex education and his chart. Because of the length of the podcast which we had we have split it up into two.
Joshua Shea is a recovering pornography addict and the author of
Porn and the Pandemic: Discussing about How Three Months in 2020 Changed Everything, Which is released on July 2020. He has also authored
The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About In at this book he is talking about How he Let his Pornography Addiction to Hurt People and Destroy Relationships (2018) and co-author of He’s a Porn Addict…What Now? An Expert and Former Addict Answer Your Questions (2019).
Since 2018, Joshua has given more interviews about pornography addiction than anybody in the world. To date, he has appeared on over 200 podcasts, television and radio shows using his wealth of research and personal story to promote the ideas that porn addiction spans all demographics and those with a problem should seek help before it’s too late, as it became in his case.
Prior to admitting his addiction, Joshua was a prominent magazine publisher, award-winning journalist, film festival founder and politician in central Maine.
In 2017, Joshua launched RecoveringPornAddict.com. He has also contributed articles about recovery to TheFix.com and Recovery Today magazine, is a TEDx Talk speaker and has developed and presents a porn addiction education lecture for churches, libraries and other groups. Sober since April 2014, Joshua still lives in Central Maine with his wife and two children.
So welcome to The Vedic reading Series Episode no -13 Porn addiction And The need of Proper sex education Part -1
Below is the non verbal transcript of the same
hi
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hi all today’s podcast we are having a
guest
his name is joshua in that this podcast
we are talking about bond addiction
sexual
violences need for sex
education also his chart
as well because of the length of this
particular podcast which we had
we have splitted it up with note .
joshua shea is a recovering pornography
addict and the author of porn and the
pandemic
that book discussing about how three
months in
changed everything that is released
on july he has
also other the addiction nobody will
talk about
in that this book he is talking about
how he
led his pornography addiction to hurt
people and destroy his relationship
and co-order of his he is a pornaddict
and what is now and a sport and former
addict
answered your question since
joshua has given more interviews about
pornography addiction
than anybody in the world to date
he has appeared on our plus podcast
televisions and radio shows using his
wealth of research and personal story to
promote the
ideas that bone addiction spans
all demographic and those with a problem
to
seek help before it’s too late
as it become in his case prior to
admitting his
addiction joshua was a prominent
magazine publisher
award-winning journalist film festival
founder
and politician in central maine
in joshua launched recovering
pawn addict.com he has also contributed
articles about recovery to the fixed.com
and recovery today magazine he is a
tedx talk speaker and has developed and
presents upon addiction education
lecture for
churches libraries and other groups
he is the sober since april
joshua still lives in central mind with
his wife
and two children so welcome to the vedic
reading series
episode number bone addiction
recovery
and proper sex education part .
yeah hi uh thank you for being a podcast
guys to
um my podcast series of vedic readings
uh and i have gone through
your website and the work which you have
done like
the books you have written which is
actually
uh how did you came up from the
porn addiction especially that is
something which people
don’t like to talk about like you know
uh
nobody wanna go out and ask somebody hey
man how many phones did you watch today
you know exactly and then that’s part of
the problem is nobody
wants to talk about it so nobody knows
how bad the problem of porn addiction
actually is yeah
exactly so um can you
uh tell us the story how do you uh
came into pornography like you know the
phone is especially it’s like a
fast-hand
educational uh sexual educational
materials
also because uh as the
internet grows very fast and the
technology grows very fast
you know everybody has the accessibility
to the
phone world you know so they can
actually uh
see everything in their own mobile phone
and all the work
they do everywhere it is there
so can you tell us the story how do you
go to go to
uh go to seeing porn and uh
what was the behavioral changes which
has
made in your life and how did you notice
that that change is occurring in you
and how do you came out from that and
more than that what you do in your daily
life but
for a living or what what what you do
like
well you’ve given me enough questions to
go for three hours
um the uh the uh the
simple version of my story is that
uh i am very much like most pornograph
former pornography addicts or current
pornography addicts
um there was a study by dr patrick
carnes who was
the uh kind of the guru who started
uh uh studying sex and porn addiction
before anybody else
back in the s and what he found was
that
uh of those men who become sex and porn
addicts
roughly percent have some kind of
uh physical abuse in their background
about percent have some kind of
sexual abuse
and about percent have some kind of
mental
or emotional abuse in their background
i’m no different when i was a child
i had a babysitter that my parents uh
put me with when they were at work
during the day
this babysitter uh both sexually abused
me
and mentally and emotionally abused me
so i have that in my background from
when i was about three to seven years
old
when i was about years old an older
cousin
showed me a couple of hardcore
pornography magazines for the first time
and it was like nothing i had ever seen
and not in that it had to do with what
the people were doing on the page
but just all of a sudden i felt like
this warmth
come over me i can’t tell you what the
name of the magazine was i can’t tell
you exactly what was happening on
uh the pages of those magazines i mean i
can guess but i don’t remember
specifically
i just remember this feeling coming over
me like
aha i have just found something special
i have just found something that is
going to help me get through
life and the only other time i ever felt
this
was about two years later the first time
that i ever got
drunk it was at a wedding and it was
like the same thing oh my goodness
i feel better i feel like
i feel like the way i think i’m supposed
to feel
all the time i feel safe i don’t have
anxiety i don’t have stress and keep in
mind i’m just a
year old kid at this point and
so um pretty much from my first time
of ever looking at porn and also ever
drinking because i was also an alcoholic
it was it was it it provided this
feeling of
aha here is here is an answer for you
it wasn’t necessarily here’s naked
people here sexy people
it was here is a way to feel okay
and if you look at my lifeline fro
from years old straight up to when
i was years old when i stopped using
pornography and alcohol
you look at the times that were the most
anxiety the most stress
uh the the toughest parts of my life
you’re gonna see the drinking
and the pornography spike up and that
was when that didn’t matter when it was
because that’s the thing that made me
feel good whether i was
just dating a girl or didn’t have a
girlfriend or i was married
didn’t matter whether i was in high
school or
college or i was starting my career or i
was later into my career
it didn’t matter pornography and to a
lesser extent
alcohol were always there for me they
were my
they were the two things that i could
count on i didn’t always know if i’d
have the same friends the same
girlfriends the same job
but no matter what happened in my life
no matter how bad it got
pornography and alcohol were there
pornography helped
to repress those memories of things that
happened to me
when i was young so what i had with the
problem was i had
all of this i had this abuse from when i
was young but i never worked through it
so it was kind of these repressed
feelings deep inside of me
that every once in a while would surface
and when they would surface
i would need more porn i would need more
alcohol
and i can you know i had girlfriends who
were completely anti-porn
i had girlfriends who didn’t care
whatsoever but
i never used pornography the way that a
lot of
quote unquote normal people do you know
a lot of people just use it when they
are looking to masturbate to get some
pleasure
to you know relieve themselves even to
skip sex with a loved one and just you
know have some
time to themselves and quicker and they
don’t feel like being with somebody else
that’s not why an addict fuses an addict
uses
uh not because of what’s going on
between their legs but because of what’s
going on in their mind
and you know i it wasn’t until i got
into recovery that i recognized that
um you know ult ultimately it uh
it just became unmanageable in my life
i my uh life was falling apart my
i owned two businesses they were falling
apart my family life was falling apart
everything was just a mess
i had stopped taking my bipolar
medication
when my addiction got to its worst point
i was sleeping two three hours a night
and you know i’ll
i’ll tell you i don’t think that if i
had basically been
forced uh by family um
to get into a rehab situation
that i don’t know if i’d be here today
talking to you um
i was i was that bad off between the
alcohol between the pornography
i was a very very ill person a very very
sick person
uh and i got so bad that
these memories of when i was a kid
started flooding back to me
uh so i ended up going to impatient
rehab
first for alcoholism for weeks
back in . and then in
i went to a sex and porn inpatient rehab
center
for seven weeks and those were both two
of the most uh
you know uh life-changing moments
and experiences of my life and i
by trade my job was as a journalist so
i’m a big research
guy and when i started tackling this
going to the rehabs going
and i have a great local therapist i
tried to do a lot of reading and
research about it
but there there’s plenty of books out
there
about alcoholism there just weren’t many
books
about pornography addiction so
being a journalist i decided to write
one and i wrote my first
book that came out in which was
kind of my
my memoir and my story called the
addiction nobody
would talk about uh what surprised me is
once that came
out i expected to just be done with it
move on with my life
uh i thought i might get a few you know
emails and contacts from some addicts
uh what surprised me was that i was
smashed
with contacts uh from the partners of
porn addicts
the wives the girlfriends uh even some
brothers and sisters or mothers i had a
you know a husband
contact me about his wife it amazed me
how
many partners uh were in a situation
similar to my wife when she found out
that i was a poor addict and i had to
come clean with her
so i made the decision to keep writing
about it
i uh wrote a book with a partner
who was a licensed marriage and family
therapist
uh in california here in the us and
uh that book went uh what ended up being
a bestseller seller
in several different categories on
amazon and that’s the one that has still
sold
you know times more than anything
else i’ve ever done
to the point where i ended up becoming a
certified betrayal trauma therapist
so i could start coaching partners
one-on-one
because there seemed to be this uh
you can go and see a therapist but if a
therapist hasn’t been
through a situation all they have is
people they’ve talked to all they have
is theory
and what i have found is that both
talking to
addicts and talking to the addicts
girlfriends and wives
i’m able to connect with them on a on a
different level because i’ve been there
because i put my wife through it and you
know
every day now it is still you know it’s
still a battle it’s not nearly as bad as
it was
six years ago when i first started but
uh much like an alcoholic much like a
gambling addict much like a food addict
you know this is something that i have
to manage every day of my life
and unlike those other addictions
people still won’t talk about
pornography and we both know why
uh but it’s i’m out there trying to tell
people we need to talk about it
i’m not trying to eradicate it i i think
that’s crazy i know here in america
a hundred years here in america
years ago we tried to outlaw alcohol
and that was absolutely a mess that
never worked
and i think it was seven or eight years
later we made it legal again
so i’m i’m not for banning pornography
what i’m for is education
i think that parents need to talk to
their kids
about pornography i’m sorry but in
that’s the world that we live in and i
think that uh
people need to understand that in
talking about pornography you don’t have
to describe
every little thing you see on the page
you don’t have to talk about those
you know crazy little things that it’s
that scratch in the back of your head
that you might be a little bit
ashamed of or embarrassed to admit but
we do need to talk about
how we use this material and
the possible potential uh
harms to it and we’re seeing that now
the internet’s been out about years
we’re seeing the first generation of men
and women who had
access to pornography like no other time
in history
we’re seeing what the fallout is and
there are many addicts and there
are many sexually unhealthy people
because of it so i i see my job as just
being out there
trying to educate people trying to let
them know hey this is not harmless
you need to know how to use this if
you’re going to
drink if you’re going to smoke if you’re
going to gamble
you know that there can be a downside to
it you know that you can become addicted
to it
and i just want people to understand
that’s also true with pornography
hello hopefully hopefully that answers
your question
yeah so how
someone can identify whether he or she
is a born addict
uh well there’s a few different ways
first
uh i can tell you as an addict it wasn’t
really about uh
satisfying any sexual needs i had
i thought that it was at first but now
that i’ve been through the therapy now
that i know about it
i can look back and i can recognize that
it was really about calming myself down
i drank i drank to numb i drank to
numb myself with pornography and
everybody’s a little bit different why
they
become an addict but with myself it was
about
uh part of me is my new little kitten
my uh my pornography use was about
control
when i was a child at that babysitter’s
house
i lost my control in life and i promised
myself i would always have control
and in those times in my life when my
control
dropped hey there wow i’m sorry about
that this kid i can’t keep this kitty
away from me today
um i i couldn’t i couldn’t control what
was happening to me at that babysitter’s
house
i made myself a promise that i
would uh one day uh
not let anybody control me so i owned my
own
companies you know i owned my own house
i didn’t let people control me
except of course we could never control
ourselves a hundred percent
so when i used pornography that was when
i had very little control
because when you think about it nobody
when you’re looking at pornography
is ever going to say no to you the
person on that page
the person on that screen they can’t say
no to you
you can have a blonde-haired girl you
can have
three girls you can have five guys four
girls
three goats and a horse you can have
whatever you want and nobody is ever
going to say no to you
you are the master of your own world
there and where
do people want more control in their
lives
than in than you know in as a as a quasi
you know sexual being that’s that’s the
epitome of control i think for a lot of
people
and that was it for me and that allowed
me to
in times when i was having trouble
running my company in times when i
wasn’t connecting with my family
you know just when i wasn’t making a lot
of money or
just different things happening when i
felt like
i was out of control pornography allowed
me to feel like i did have
control now that may not be the case for
everybody
but there are certain things that most
people can look for
number one with addiction and this is
true with all addiction
is that you make a lot of promises to
yourself that you can’t keep
uh for pornography it might be oh i’m
only gonna look at pornography
two times this week but you end up
looking five times
or you say i’m only going to look at
pornography for minutes
and you end up there for two or three
hours and
it’s because you can’t find that perfect
piece of pornography
that’s going to do whatever needs to
happen in your mind
because addiction whether it’s sex or
porn or gambling or cocaine or alcohol
it’s about the pleasure centers in your
brain
it’s about your dopamine receptors
serotonin and oxytocin a bunch of other
little chemicals in there
it’s about getting those to fire
when you get high for the first time no
matter what your addiction is when you
get high for the first time
it feels great and you are chasing that
high constantly
but you build up a uh
you build up a resistance to it i guess
would be the term
and that’s kind of how somebody who
drinks beer
has to move on to wine or has to move on
to
the hard stuff it’s how a gambling
addict starts
betting you know maybe twenty dollars a
hand and then and then a hundred
what you have to do is escalate these
behaviors
pornography is no different so when you
have to escalate behaviors
what happens well there are trade-offs
you stop
doing the things that you liked in life
maybe you don’t hang out with
friends as much maybe you don’t watch tv
as much
maybe there are you know hobbies you had
you start to replace the things in your
life that you liked
with your addiction
ultimately um ultimately
what happens is that uh
you have to how do i put this
you you have to recognize that your life
is no longer
your life you are giving into this
substance or you are giving into this
behavior
and you’re not in control of things
anymore
and once you realize you’re not in
control
you try to control it but it’s too late
you’re already an addict
and that’s where the real struggle comes
in
because uh once you realize you’re an
addict then you try to fight it you’re
not just doing it to feel good you’re
not just doing it to relieve yourself
you’re not just doing it to feel better
you now recognize it’s a problem but you
can’t stop
so that brings back the anxiety that
brings back the stress
now everything that you were using this
substance for to escape
is back so now you’re an addict and you
have all these problems
and it’s just a vicious circle so you
try to you do more of your addiction
whether that’s more lines of cocaine or
or
more time looking at pornography or
weird pornography or whatever it may be
you have to keep just just ratcheting
things up
and eventually you end up with
uh you end up with a massive problem
that either
you go and get help or you end up
hitting rock bottom now rock bottom can
be
you lose your family and friends you
lose your finances you lose your job
you end up in trouble with the law you
end up in a
physical or mental mess and a lot of
times
if you don’t get help after hitting rock
bottom you end up
dying unfortunately and i i hate to say
that but
you end up dying people die of their
addictions
every day because they can’t get them
under control
despite the fact they know they have a
problem so you know one of the biggest
things is admitting you have a problem
but one of the biggest things is also
understanding that almost
nobody beats addiction on their own uh i
would bet less than one out of a hundred
people who try
beat addiction on your their own you
need the help of other people you need
support you need
sometimes you know therapists sometimes
you need medicine
there are a million different ways there
are step groups
but if you recognize that you do have an
addiction or you think that you’re
getting an addiction
you’ve got to get that help because
addictions don’t get better on their own
they get worse uh and that’s one of the
things that i’m out there
always telling people is that addictions
get worse
you know you can’t just it’s it’s not
like having you know a scrape on your
hand eventually this will heal up
addictions aren’t like that uh people
who
a lot of people who believe that they’ve
beaten an addiction on their own
um they will recognize oh my they didn’t
they actually just switched their
addiction to something else
a lot of people you know kick porn or
think they kick
porn but suddenly realize they’re
playing video games hours a day
or people will kick cigarette smoking
but then they gain
to pounds because they’re eating all
the time now
it’s really important when you try to
kick an addiction
that you kick your addictive behavior
you kick your addictive
personality um it’s it’s
not just enough to switch your addiction
from one thing to another
because like i said addiction isn’t in a
pack of cigarettes
addiction isn’t in a porno magazine
addiction isn’t in
a bottle of beer addiction is up here
and it’s very easy to switch the
addiction
without realizing you’re doing it and
telling yourself the story
that you’re beating the addiction when
in fact
you’re not you’re just switching it so
you know people have to look out for
that
look out for your cravings look out for
any behaviors that you’re switching with
other people
um it’s it’s a scary scary thing
but i am proof if anybody can beat
addiction
um you know if i can beat addiction
anybody can
i beat alcohol in pornography i quit
both on the same day
and uh you know if if i can do it
anybody can do it and that’s why i’m out
there
trying to tell people who think it’s
impossible it is not it’s hard work
it’s sad work it’s angry work it’s
frustrating work
it’s it’s it’s gut-wrenching work but
it’s possible
and i promise you on the other side of
it you feel so much better
so there is um porn is like a
fast-hand sexual educational material
because you know the phone is available
everywhere which is like it is available
in the small
mobile phone you are having the laptop
you are working on
the tv you are watching and the
magazines you are reading
it’s like a first-hand educational
material for the people
those who actually sexually active
like kids those who are actually close
at the age of or where the
hormones are started to make them
too uh sexually active and
so these kind of pornography materials
which is coming
into their hand like a year old
especially
um at this particular time where the
internet is making the pornography
available everywhere and the
approximately percentage of the
content
in internet as a software engineer i
know that approximately percentage of
the content in
internet is actually pornography and
there is which means that there is a
large base of consumer basis available
there out there and they are mostly
teenagers
and their school students
and things like that so
how do you see that how do you see that
the pornography
is programming the kids those who are
coming up and
how do you feel about it what you think
about it
well i ca i can tell you a story uh that
happened about a year ago before
the coronavirus hit i used to go to
a lot of different organizations
including colleges
and give presentations the last time i
was
in a college setting live was about a
year ago
and i spoke to a woman’s sexuality group
at a health center
at a college here here in the u.s and
there was probably about
women there and i gave my
presentation i reached the q
a and one woman who was probably about
years old
she raised her hand and she said to me
i don’t know if you’ve heard this from
other women my age or women in college
but i don’t like to have sex with virgin
men anymore
and i said well that’s very interesting
but what does that have to do with
pornography
but i looked around and i saw a lot of
these women’s eyes
who were around the same age start to
light up and she said well you told me
that and year old boys are
starting to watch pornography regularly
uh most guys who are in college lose
their virginity
years old so they've hadsix or seven years to watch pornography
on their phones on their tablets on
their laptops
how many hundreds and thousands of video
clips have these guys watched
and i realized she’s absolutely right
that
pornography is the sex education
for our youngest guys now and if you
think about pornography
even the most common vanilla
boring pornography one man one woman
no frills you’re going to find that the
man
is almost always the aggressor he’s
speaking to the woman
in horrible ways he’s treating her like
a rag doll
bending her like a pretzel uh you know
he’s not
caring about what she wants and that
doesn’t you know
and we all know how almost all of these
videos end
in a very degrading way
this is not real life those of us who
have had normal sexual
relationships understand the very
basic fact that pornography is fiction
but for so many young boys they treat
pornography
as a documentary that is sexual
education
as non-fiction and the problem is the
first time that they get with a woman
when they are or
their role models for sex
are these male porn stars who were not
acting like real men at
and these young women this year old
year old woman
was explaining that you know i don’t
want to be with a guy like this
i don’t want to be with a guy who his
first time he grabs my neck
and thinks that’s okay or puts me down
and you know calls
me a [ __ ] because he’s seen that five
thousand times in pornography
and the women in this room that i was
talking to were all
nodding and yes yes i don’t want to be
with them with virgin guys because of
this
virg you know when you find out a guy is
a virgin it’s not a turn-off that he’s
never been with a girl
that’s actually a good thing it’s a turn
off because you know he’s probably going
to be aggressive
because he’s watched a lot of
pornography and they don’t want
to have to train these guys into
being a a healthy sex partner they don’t
want it to be their job to have to you
know
almost like a master with their dog and
you know slap them on the nose with the
with the newspaper and say no that’s not
how you behave
they don’t want to be like this so aside
from addiction
pornography is teaching our youngest
men how to behave in the bedroom
but they’re not teaching a real life
scenario they’re teaching this
fantasy scenario but these young men
don’t know so
uh you know when people ask me that
question what’s the big deal with porn
and what’s it really doing to our kids
and
you know obviously there’s addiction but
most people aren’t addicts well
it is teaching our youngest generation
um who don’t know any better who think
that that’s real life they’re watching
on the screen
what a healthy sexual relationship is
and that’s not true a healthy sexual
relationship is one
where both partners are communicating
and getting their needs met
um but you don’t hear that in
pornography
and that’s why we need whether it be
parents or schools
you don’t have to talk about what’s
what’s in a porno movie you just have to
let these boys know at or
what they’re looking at is not real life
um so how do you
see that if we are teaching the kama
sutra the
textbook of the sacred sexuality where
the
uh each other’s need has been actually
met
and talked in a deeper way like when we
are talking about the tundra
the sacred sexuality which is in
atharva veda which has been actually a
sacred text
comes from india so uh
it’s actually sex is being done after
days of certain rituals
uh the partners won’t come into sexual
conduct just
if a partner got us just a sudden turn
on it is not going to end up in the sex
actually like it will be taking days
of rituals and worshipping each other
and taking each other as a
god or goddesses and comes into contact
and
like it’s like so there
they can experience a kind of uh
ecstasy which is like you know um
which is beyond what a normal uh
sex can uh uh offer
so imagine that somebody is going to
schools and colleges
and teaching kamasutra how do you see
about it
how do you feel i i think that’s great
because
you know we’ve talked about unhealthy
sexuality but
how amazing does that sound what you
just described
it sounds wonderful and you know
sexuality a lot of people who
uh talk about pornography or talk about
pornography addiction
uh they seem to almost be anti-sex
people
and i i’m not that way at all i mean
i’ve i’ve
i was born i have two kids sex is a
wonderful gift given to us by god
no matter what religion you you uh
believe
or or none at all sex is a magnificent
miracle when you think about it on a
scientific level
of how you create another human being
it’s a wonderful vehicle
for expressing physical love to another
person
and when you and that person are
communicating
when you and that person are on the same
page
you know and and bringing each other up
that’s amazing you know it’s when one
person
is into one thing and forces it on
somebody else
you know you can have two people who
like pornography and want to watch it
together
that’s totally cool if one person wants
to watch it and the other doesn’t
you can’t force them to watch it if one
person wants to
play with whips and chains or play with
food or whatever it is
and the other person doesn’t that’s not
healthy to force them to
if they both want to play with whips and
chains if they both want to play with
food
whatever if they both talk about it if
they both
reach consensus and communicate and
agree that they want to do something
and they explore their sexuality
together uh consensually
and sharing i think that’s an absolutely
wonderful thing uh i think that’s one of
the greatest things in the world you and
i are only here because of sex
uh it’s it’s funny that you know for
thousands of years
you know different civilizations have
been so
scared to talk about it and so ashamed
to talk about it well
guess what we’re all naked under these
clothes every single one of us
there’s not a single person out there
who’s not naked under these clothes
there’s not a single person out here who
it wasn’t a man and a woman got together
to create that person
that’s how it works i don’t know why
we’re ashamed of it i don’t know why
we’re embarrassed of it
i don’t know why there isn’t more
celebrating of it
i think that ins i think that when you
are ashamed when you hide
when you won’t talk about things that’s
when you know unhealthy sexuality
breeds it’s like you know putting seeds
in a garden unhealthy sexual seeds
sunshine on them what we need to do
and then pouring water and putting
is if we could have more of these open
discussions
about sexuality i think we’d be a much
more healthier world i think there
wouldn’t be a need for pornography
nearly as much i i think that people
would
be more open with their partners you
know in talking about the kama sutra
you know i know that there are a lot of
people who because of you know certain
media out there just look at it as crazy
sex positions
and that’s all it is and there’s so much
more to
it um you know if if you do get into it
and obviously you know i’ve been to your
website
i’ve learned a lot uh and i i think that
you know when done correctly utilizing
the kama sutra
you know as a couple is a magnificent
thing i think it’s a wonderful thing i
don’t think there’s
anything to be ashamed or embarrassed
about uh
you know utilizing it so
uh right now if we see the statistics in
the
internet india is the one of the largest
consumer
country of the phone in the world and
that country that particular country has
actually banned the movie named
kamasutra to release in india
so there is a hypocrisy is existing
on the face of uh hypocrisy existing
with the human beings
where they are the largest consumer of
the bone one hand
and other time they are actually acting
like they are not
you know because the the people
might uh talk lies but the numbers won’t
number and i gotta tell you that one of
the things i’ve learned
in the last five or six years of
studying pornography
studying pornography and obscenity law
how governments deal with this kind of
stuff the people who
yell the loudest are usually the ones
who use it the most
the people who you know i i look at just
here in america
you look at something like you know
there was a there was a senator
who was you know screaming that he was
anti-gay legislation there should be no
gay marriage now
i i don’t care how anybody thinks about
that but what about what did this guy do
he got busted by the police with a man
in an airport bathroom
uh because he was secretly gay and what
i have found
in you know studying this kind of stuff
the people who make the laws or just the
people who
scream and yell about this the loudest
about how much they hate it or how much
they uh
you know how we should all behave a
certain way
they are usually the ones who are
behaving absolutely the opposite
and you know the internet
whether a country wants to accept it or
not
is an international entity and it’s much
like you know anybody who has a
uh you know any any year old uh
can tell you how to get on the internet
and find anything they want
in any country that they’re in around
the world you know
you have countries you know for instance
i know the uk
uh has just put a ban on anybody
under accessing a porn site
and has said that all porn sites now
need to have some kind of authorization
at the front of them that uh you have to
prove you’re .
well come on there are sites from russia
and india
and the us and africa
and australia that are never going to
comply with this
and what happens if the uk finds that
their ip address and puts a block on it
well you just get a different ip address
and put up the exact same website
you know what if you’re in the uk and
you’re a year old kid and you want to
get at this stuff
you put a vpn on your computer you know
and i’m not sharing any
great insider tips here it is it is
it is very similar it is very simple to
get at pornography so the idea that
you’ve got these hypocrites in
government who
want to uh pretend this stuff isn’t out
there want to pretend they’re not using
it and think that the best situation is
to bury your head in the sand
all they’re going to do in the long run
is make the situation worse
we have too many young people who are
becoming addicts
because they have access to pornography
but they don’t have the education and
warnings that come along with it
and these people you know at least in
america
they’re not trying to outlaw tobacco why
because the tobacco crop makes millions
of dollars
because it’s regulated they’re not
trying to outlaw alcohol why
because alcohol makes millions of
dollars in taxes and it’s regulated
you know they can regulate the
pornography industry
if they want to that just starts to get
into a place where they have to talk
about
the morals around pornography and the
ethics around pornography
and as a government entity i don’t think
they really have to do that i think that
they just
need to be able like they do with
alcohol like they do with tobacco
to say that this is a substance that
should not be used by people who are
under
you should teach the people under why
they shouldn’t use it when they’re under
give them the reasons against it and
then when they turn
it’s up to them you know if you’re
years old here in america go buy
cigarettes
you know go buy some booze it’s even now
you can go buy marijuana
and now and it’s it’s one of these
things where
i learned about marijuana in school i
learned about tobacco in school my
parents taught you know
even though i didn’t listen to them my
parents told me not to drink
my parents didn’t tell me anything about
pornography and i don’t think most
parents tell their kids about
pornography
because number one they’re embarrassed
and number two
they don’t know what to say even those
who aren’t embarrassed
aren’t quite sure how to handle it with
their kids
and that’s what we need more of we need
less
government trying to keep it away from
us
because history has shown it’s not going
to be kept away from us
so if it’s not going to be kept away
let’s deal with it
in the smartest healthiest way possible
so how do you um so for instance if some
somebody want to go to schools and teach
kamasutra and things like that and
there is a hypocritic kind of situation
is actually
existing what could be your smartest
suggestion for someone who want to do
that
what could be your smartest suggestion
whether it is in india or u.s
because the largest
is to talk about it teach about it
have conversations about it that don’t
have
shame and judgment you know when you
know
when pornography comes up as a topic
somebody will always make a face or say
they don’t look at that garbage
or you know something like that that
immediately shuts people down
you know if you and i are having a a an
adult conversation
about pornography use and a third person
joined us and says you’re all just a
bunch of perverts if you look at
pornography
pornography is bad you’re going to go to
hell and
they’re shutting you down you don’t want
to continue to have that adult
conversation
because they’re making you feel bad or
trying to make you feel bad
as a person now ironically they probably
look at pornography themselves
and will never admit it because they’re
so ashamed of it
it’s not just the government everybody
is like this um
and that’s that’s ultimately the problem
is no matter what it is that you’re
trying to teach
about sexuality about pornography about
the kama sutra
about the body itself you know we carry
and like i said it’s it’s through so
many religions so many cultures
that we have problems talking about our
body we have problems talking about
sexuality and we need to get over this
this is you know the st century we’re
now
one fifth finished through the th st
century
and it’s time for us to not act like
it’s years ago
it’s time for us to grow up to remove
the shame of it
you know hey we’re all here because our
parents had sex
we can’t pretend that our parents never
had sex
we are proof they did and that’s not a
bad thing that’s not a dirty thing
that’s not a gross thing
that’s so that’s in most cases a
wonderful thing
um you know i know there are cases where
it’s not but that in most cases is a
wonderful thing
and it should be celebrated and
sexuality should be celebrated
i think we have so much unhealthy
sexuality in this world
we have so much shaming so much
embarrassing
because people are just kind of raised
to not talk about it you know and like i
said
you know we’re all naked under these
clothes and most but most
there are a lot of people who would deny
being that
because there’s something dirty about a
naked body
there’s something to be ashamed about a
naked body and i don’t care if you’re
super thin
super fat black white asian
indian blue green purple whatever you
may be
the body is the body some some are
you know prettier than others some are
more functional than others some are
stronger than others
some are taller some are shorter but we
each have
these magnificent vehicles they’re the
only ones we have we should take care of
them and
we should celebrate them and i think
that
that gets lost even today and that’s a
shame
because with all of this technology we
have in the world
with all of the knowledge we have at our
fingertips
uh like no other time in the history of
mankind
we’re still acting like like cavemen
when it comes to this stuff
and it’s time to be a little bit more
enlightened and and grow up a little bit
and recognize that uh all of these
negatives that or stereotypes or beliefs
that we have with sexuality
they come from the people who were
before us who couldn’t handle it
and it’s up to us to try to change
things and move things forward
and it’s up to us to talk to our
children to try to change things to try
to move things forward
you know it’s the perpetuation of the
species and maybe
conversations like you and i are having
wouldn’t have been done
years ago because there were no
podcasts
and maybe there is a year old kid
listening to us
and maybe there’s a year old lady
listening to us
and maybe both of them will walk away
you know with a healthier attitude
towards sexuality
no matter what’s happened in their past
that it’s not a dirty thing that it’s
something that does need to be talked
about
and when we repress our beliefs about
sexuality when we repress
these conversations that’s when you
start moving into unhealthy areas
that’s when you start to you know uh uh
experiment and look for pornography that
may be a little bit outside the norm
you know if you like whips and chains
good for you
i’m sure that there is a woman or a man
out there for you
who also like whips and chains go and
and find them
and go and explore that side of yourself
in a healthy way
doing it in a basement by yourself
feeling embarrassed and ashamed
is not healthy and that’s what we need
to talk more about is that you know
the pornography that we we search for in
this world
is a lot of it is not healthy but
we have no other place to explore our
sexuality
you know pornography allows us all those
little things that it’s
us in the back of the head that we don’t
want to talk about that
maybe turn us on a little bit maybe you
know there are men who like to wear
women’s clothes
and you know there are women who want to
be with women
and there are all these different things
that as normal people we wouldn’t talk
about
because we know it’s not safe in society
or accepted in society
and pornography allows you to explore
that which isn’t necessarily a bad thing
but when it comes with shame when it
comes with embarrassment
when it comes with this negative baggage
that’s when pornography becomes a bad
thing and if you have an addictive
personality
that’s when it becomes an unhealthy
borderline dangerous thing
so right now um it’s a
virus i mean the covet situation which
is actually happening
across the globe and people’s are
getting caught up
inside their home and websites like
pornhub and stuffs like that they are
offering a free premium
things like that uh like how do you see
this
i mean mostly most of the people just
got a
very good exposure to chronograph
pornography
at this particular point of time i mean
in last
this year at least uh because of the
covet kind of situation uh how do you
see
the result could be what could be the
result that
a lot of people are looking at
the users of pornography saying you know
and
and there are more people using it by
far you know you just have to look at
website statistics to see that
i think the biggest fallout of uh
pornography
is from the pandemic is going to come
from the people who started
making it you look at a website that’s
popular here in the u.s
like like and only fans and
only fans on january st
had about people worldwide
making pornography and posting it on
this site
and as we come into the new year of
there are between . and . million
people
making pornography on the website that
means in
more than a million people have joined
just this one website
to make and sell pornography well who
are they
they are the youngest adults out there
the ones who have been raised on the
internet the ones who don’t have stigma
about pornography
or nudity uh like their parents do like
their grandparents do
they were raised on internet pornography
so it’s kind of normal to them
um but the the thing
is these people uh you know they see the
money and it’s great
but what they find is that they love the
attention and i i
actually my third book is about the
people who moved on to the internet as
pornography creators
during the pandemic it’s called porn in
the pandemic and
i talked to a lot of these people who
were new to either only fans or new to
to cam websites and uh
what i heard from them again and again
yeah the money is great but what i like
i like being told that i am beautiful i
like being told i’m handsome
in real life i can’t get a boyfriend but
on only fans i’ve got men sending me
money
who say they want to get married and
these people what they are feeling they
are feeling that dopamine rush
that the person who looks at pornography
feels
that the addict that the addict feels
when they look at pornography
they are looking to get those pleasure
chemicals uh
um you know ticked off in in
in the way that makes them feel good and
feeds their addiction
well these people now they’re going
online
showing naked pictures of themselves and
not just you know and you talk to a lot
of these people these young people
they startjust with you know being in their
underwear or in lingerie
and then they start to show a little bit
more and they show a little bit more and
a little bit more
and eventually they are having you know
full-on sexual
intercourse on these websites because
they have to keep escalating
to keep getting that attention from
people to keep being told that they’re
beautiful or that you know they’re
somebody who
you know they want to be with you know
there’s somebody who
oh i i had such a bad day but now i can
come onto the computer
and i can look at you and you’re amazing
well
there’s some you know there’s some guy
some girl
sitting in their bedroom in america who
is probably depressed who hasn’t been
able to get out because of the
uh the cove situation who now believes
that you know
the best way to feel good is to start
making pornography and putting it online
whether it’s only fans whether it’s cam
websites
and i believe that the long-term uh
effect
of the uh pandemic is not going to
necessarily be with porn watchers i
think it’s going to be with porn
creators
i think that you know you go back to the
s and show many porn stars were in the world at
any one time maybe a thousand or two
thousand they made movies you had to get
into that industry
now if you have a webcam and a internet
hookup you can do it from your bedroom
and oh there’s the kitty again uh you
can do it from your bedroom
and it’s the easiest thing in the world
to to
produce pornography and it makes a lot
of money compared to working in a
restaurant or working at a store
and people you know see the money and
then they realize how good it makes them
feel
you know their boss they’re their own
boss they don’t have to put up with
somebody who’s being a horrible guy to
them
at the restaurant or somebody who a
nasty customer at the clothing store
or whatever it is they’re in their
bedroom they’re only working two hours a
day
and they’re getting all this dopamine
being told how great they are
so you know to answer your question you
know obviously people are looking at
more porn during the internet i’m sure
there are more addicts
now than there ever was but i really
feel for this group of to year
olds
who to make money went online and
discovered
so much else comes with making
pornography
i think they’re going to be the true
victims of this uh
this uh pandemic
how can they safeguard themselves like
i mean what do you say to them i mean i
don’t
feel like using the word safeguard by
themselves i mean
uh people’s has to do what they like to
do but
uh as a porn addict who has came through
all this scenario
and who has seen the what it has it can
do to a human being
and what it can do to a life and
like that as a uh what would you
like to tell to them like um
like you know i i wish i knew what to
say to the to year olds but i was
once to and you couldn’t tell me
anything
you know i i i you know you could you
could tell me the sky was blue and i’d
tell you it’s red
um because that’s how people who are
to year old are you know
i i i love young people i love hanging
out with them
uh both of my kids are in that age group
but this is the age group that because
they’re individuals and they’re out on
their own and they’re making their own
decisions
and they haven’t made a lot of horrible
mistakes
that they’ve had to pay for yet that
they don’t think they’re making mistakes
so it’s it’s it’s tough to tell this
group
what to do what we need to do is have
less people become
part of this group i believe that it
comes from you know
you know it’s it’s almost honestly it’s
almost impossible
it’s very difficult a lot of energy a
lot of
effort to try to convince a year old
who’s already engaged in a certain
behavior to stop
it’s so much easier to convince
year olds never to start and that’s
what we need to do
we need to look at the next generation
coming up
i don’t think it’s never to stop i mean
like
we should teach them sacred sexuality
what is the sacredness of the sexuality
because
when we say no to that the first thing
comes to the people is like
why why this no you know so they
definitely try it out
so saying no is uh opening up the
alternative is the
possible way that’s what i feel like oh
oh yeah the last thing that anybody
who’s wants is somebody who’s twice
their age telling them what to do
um and i think that i think that
you know internationally i think that
in the home and i think for the
individual it all
again comes down to education it comes
down to not uh
not shaming uh treating sexuality
differently than we have throughout
history i mean
i i look at my grandmother she’s she’s
no longer with us but
um she told a story when i was younger
about how in something she went off
to the lake or the beach
and she was wearing a two-piece bathing
suit
and it showed this much skin around her
stomach
just this much skin and
it was a big uh it was a big deal
the the police were called she was
forced to leave the beach and go home
because it was considered indecent what
she was doing
now fast forward and at least here in
america
you now have kids who are and
years old
putting almost naked pictures of
themselves on instagram
for everybody to see that’s only in
in years our minds
don’t evolve that fast technology
evolves that fast but our minds don’t
evolve that fast
so what we need to do is we need to just
have
more uh conscious decision making
more conscious conversation we need to
stop and not just say oh
sex was dirty years ago it’s still
dirty today
and uh it doesn’t matter if there’s more
skin out there well you know what sex
was never dirty sex wasn’t dirty
years ago
it wasn’t dirty years ago
people put their beliefs
their prejudices their stereotypes
on to the behavior for whatever reason
whether that came from their parents
their religion their culture and like i
said it’s across the board throughout
the world
and we need now that the world is so
connected because of the internet um you
know the internet’s done a number on us
when it comes to pornography but the
internet i think will also be one of the
saving graces
and that it allows us to communicate
about this
i mean think about that years ago i
could not be
talking in essentially a video phone
call
to somebody on the other side of the
world even if i wanted to just talk to
you on the regular phone
it would have cost you know half my
week’s salary to do that
and now we’re doing it for free you know
it’s it’s one of these things that
technology moves so much
faster than our minds move that we have
to not just go with the flow
we have to stop we have to look at the
situation
and we have to address what’s the
healthiest way to move forward
um and use our brains you know god gave
us
you know our sexuality god also gave us
our brains so you know let’s use them
and make the best decisions possible
yeah um
thank you for listening to my podcast
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