Vedic Reading Series Episode No. 13: Porn Addiction And The Need For Proper Sex Education, Part 1 (Krithika Nakshatra)

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Hi All.

Our guest in today’s podcast

Joshua Shea is a recovering pornography addict and the author of, 

‘Porn and the Pandemic: Discussing about  How Three Months in 2020 Changed Everything’, which was released in July 2020. He has also authored, ‘The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About’. In this book, he discusses how let his pornography addiction hurt people and destroy his relationships (book of the same title published 2018) and he co-authored, ‘He’s a Porn Addict…What Now? An Expert and Former Addict Answer Your Questions’ (2019).

Since 2018, Joshua has given more interviews about pornography addiction than anybody in the world. To date, he has appeared on over 200 podcasts, television and radio shows using his wealth of research and personal story to promote the ideas that porn addiction spans all demographics and those with a problem should seek help before it’s too late, as it became in his case.

Prior to admitting his addiction, Joshua was a prominent magazine publisher, award-winning journalist, film festival founder and politician in central Maine.

In 2017, Joshua launched RecoveringPornAddict.com. He has also contributed articles about recovery to TheFix.com and Recovery Today magazine, is a TEDx Talk speaker and has developed and presents a porn addiction education lecture for churches, libraries and other groups. Sober since April 2014, Joshua still lives in Central Maine with his wife and two children.

So welcome to the Vedic Reading Series Episode No. 13: Porn Addiction And The Need For Proper Sex Education, Part 1

Below is a written transcript of the podcast:

hi

this is arun from ironsyoga.in

i am a software engineer who mostly work

with

node.js php and other backend

technologies

and i’m an open source contributor as

well

i’m a tantric by birth in a family which

is passing tantric wisdom from

generations to generations from past

 years of legacy and got lucky to

travel across

india and got chances to study under

various gurus from different backgrounds

and disciplines you could connect with

me

in irons yoga.in here i am helping you

to design

a divine lifestyle which is based on

vedic astrology tandra and other yogic

system of

understanding

hi all today’s podcast we are having a

guest

his name is joshua in that this podcast

we are talking about bond addiction

sexual

violences need for sex

education also his chart

as well because of the length of this

particular podcast which we had

we have splitted it up with note .

joshua shea is a recovering pornography

addict and the author of porn and the

pandemic

that book discussing about how three

months in

changed everything that is released

on july he has

also other the addiction nobody will

talk about

in that this book he is talking about

how he

led his pornography addiction to hurt

people and destroy his relationship

 and co-order of his he is a porn

addict

and what is now and a sport and former

addict

answered your question since

joshua has given more interviews about

pornography addiction

than anybody in the world to date

he has appeared on our plus podcast

televisions and radio shows using his

wealth of research and personal story to

promote the

ideas that bone addiction spans

all demographic and those with a problem

to

seek help before it’s too late

as it become in his case prior to

admitting his

addiction joshua was a prominent

magazine publisher

award-winning journalist film festival

founder

and politician in central maine

in joshua launched recovering

pawn addict.com he has also contributed

articles about recovery to the fixed.com

and recovery today magazine he is a

tedx talk speaker and has developed and

presents upon addiction education

lecture for

churches libraries and other groups

he is the sober since april

joshua still lives in central mind with

his wife

and two children so welcome to the vedic

reading series

episode number bone addiction

recovery

and proper sex education part .

yeah hi uh thank you for being a podcast

guys to

um my podcast series of vedic readings

uh and i have gone through

your website and the work which you have

done like

the books you have written which is

actually

uh how did you came up from the

porn addiction especially that is

something which people

don’t like to talk about like you know

uh

nobody wanna go out and ask somebody hey

man how many phones did you watch today

you know exactly and then that’s part of

the problem is nobody

wants to talk about it so nobody knows

how bad the problem of porn addiction

actually is yeah

exactly so um can you

uh tell us the story how do you uh

came into pornography like you know the

phone is especially it’s like a

fast-hand

educational uh sexual educational

materials

also because uh as the

internet grows very fast and the

technology grows very fast

you know everybody has the accessibility

to the

phone world you know so they can

actually uh

see everything in their own mobile phone

and all the work

they do everywhere it is there

so can you tell us the story how do you

go to go to

uh go to seeing porn and uh

what was the behavioral changes which

has

made in your life and how did you notice

that that change is occurring in you

and how do you came out from that and

more than that what you do in your daily

life but

for a living or what what what you do

like

well you’ve given me enough questions to

go for three hours

um the uh the uh the

simple version of my story is that

uh i am very much like most pornograph

former pornography addicts or current

pornography addicts

um there was a study by dr patrick

carnes who was

the uh kind of the guru who started

uh uh studying sex and porn addiction

before anybody else

back in the s and what he found was

that

uh of those men who become sex and porn

addicts

roughly percent have some kind of

uh physical abuse in their background

about percent have some kind of

sexual abuse

and about percent have some kind of

mental

or emotional abuse in their background

i’m no different when i was a child

i had a babysitter that my parents uh

put me with when they were at work

during the day

this babysitter uh both sexually abused

me

and mentally and emotionally abused me

so i have that in my background from

when i was about three to seven years

old

when i was about years old an older

cousin

showed me a couple of hardcore

pornography magazines for the first time

and it was like nothing i had ever seen

and not in that it had to do with what

the people were doing on the page

but just all of a sudden i felt like

this warmth

come over me i can’t tell you what the

name of the magazine was i can’t tell

you exactly what was happening on

uh the pages of those magazines i mean i

can guess but i don’t remember

specifically

i just remember this feeling coming over

me like

aha i have just found something special

i have just found something that is

going to help me get through

life and the only other time i ever felt

this

was about two years later the first time

that i ever got

drunk it was at a wedding and it was

like the same thing oh my goodness

i feel better i feel like

i feel like the way i think i’m supposed

to feel

all the time i feel safe i don’t have

anxiety i don’t have stress and keep in

mind i’m just a

year old kid at this point and

so um pretty much from my first time

of ever looking at porn and also ever

drinking because i was also an alcoholic

it was it was it it provided this

feeling of

aha here is here is an answer for you

it wasn’t necessarily here’s naked

people here sexy people

it was here is a way to feel okay

and if you look at my lifeline fro

from years old straight up to when

i was years old when i stopped using

pornography and alcohol

you look at the times that were the most

anxiety the most stress

uh the the toughest parts of my life

you’re gonna see the drinking

and the pornography spike up and that

was when that didn’t matter when it was

because that’s the thing that made me

feel good whether i was

just dating a girl or didn’t have a

girlfriend or i was married

didn’t matter whether i was in high

school or

college or i was starting my career or i

was later into my career

it didn’t matter pornography and to a

lesser extent

alcohol were always there for me they

were my

they were the two things that i could

count on i didn’t always know if i’d

have the same friends the same

girlfriends the same job

but no matter what happened in my life

no matter how bad it got

pornography and alcohol were there

pornography helped

to repress those memories of things that

happened to me

when i was young so what i had with the

problem was i had

all of this i had this abuse from when i

was young but i never worked through it

so it was kind of these repressed

feelings deep inside of me

that every once in a while would surface

and when they would surface

i would need more porn i would need more

alcohol

and i can you know i had girlfriends who

were completely anti-porn

i had girlfriends who didn’t care

whatsoever but

i never used pornography the way that a

lot of

quote unquote normal people do you know

a lot of people just use it when they

are looking to masturbate to get some

pleasure

to you know relieve themselves even to

skip sex with a loved one and just you

know have some

time to themselves and quicker and they

don’t feel like being with somebody else

that’s not why an addict fuses an addict

uses

uh not because of what’s going on

between their legs but because of what’s

going on in their mind

and you know i it wasn’t until i got

into recovery that i recognized that

um you know ult ultimately it uh

it just became unmanageable in my life

i my uh life was falling apart my

i owned two businesses they were falling

apart my family life was falling apart

everything was just a mess

i had stopped taking my bipolar

medication

when my addiction got to its worst point

i was sleeping two three hours a night

and you know i’ll

i’ll tell you i don’t think that if i

had basically been

forced uh by family um

to get into a rehab situation

that i don’t know if i’d be here today

talking to you um

i was i was that bad off between the

alcohol between the pornography

i was a very very ill person a very very

sick person

uh and i got so bad that

these memories of when i was a kid

started flooding back to me

uh so i ended up going to impatient

rehab

first for alcoholism for weeks

back in . and then in

i went to a sex and porn inpatient rehab

center

for seven weeks and those were both two

of the most uh

you know uh life-changing moments

and experiences of my life and i

by trade my job was as a journalist so

i’m a big research

guy and when i started tackling this

going to the rehabs going

and i have a great local therapist i

tried to do a lot of reading and

research about it

but there there’s plenty of books out

there

about alcoholism there just weren’t many

books

about pornography addiction so

being a journalist i decided to write

one and i wrote my first

book that came out in which was

kind of my

my memoir and my story called the

addiction nobody

would talk about uh what surprised me is

once that came

out i expected to just be done with it

move on with my life

uh i thought i might get a few you know

emails and contacts from some addicts

uh what surprised me was that i was

smashed

with contacts uh from the partners of

porn addicts

the wives the girlfriends uh even some

brothers and sisters or mothers i had a

you know a husband

contact me about his wife it amazed me

how

many partners uh were in a situation

similar to my wife when she found out

that i was a poor addict and i had to

come clean with her

so i made the decision to keep writing

about it

i uh wrote a book with a partner

who was a licensed marriage and family

therapist

uh in california here in the us and

uh that book went uh what ended up being

a bestseller seller

in several different categories on

amazon and that’s the one that has still

sold

you know times more than anything

else i’ve ever done

to the point where i ended up becoming a

certified betrayal trauma therapist

so i could start coaching partners

one-on-one

because there seemed to be this uh

you can go and see a therapist but if a

therapist hasn’t been

through a situation all they have is

people they’ve talked to all they have

is theory

and what i have found is that both

talking to

addicts and talking to the addicts

girlfriends and wives

i’m able to connect with them on a on a

different level because i’ve been there

because i put my wife through it and you

know

every day now it is still you know it’s

still a battle it’s not nearly as bad as

it was

six years ago when i first started but

uh much like an alcoholic much like a

gambling addict much like a food addict

you know this is something that i have

to manage every day of my life

and unlike those other addictions

people still won’t talk about

pornography and we both know why

uh but it’s i’m out there trying to tell

people we need to talk about it

i’m not trying to eradicate it i i think

that’s crazy i know here in america

a hundred years here in america

years ago we tried to outlaw alcohol

and that was absolutely a mess that

never worked

and i think it was seven or eight years

later we made it legal again

so i’m i’m not for banning pornography

what i’m for is education

i think that parents need to talk to

their kids

about pornography i’m sorry but in

that’s the world that we live in and i

think that uh

people need to understand that in

talking about pornography you don’t have

to describe

every little thing you see on the page

you don’t have to talk about those

you know crazy little things that it’s

that scratch in the back of your head

that you might be a little bit

ashamed of or embarrassed to admit but

we do need to talk about

how we use this material and

the possible potential uh

harms to it and we’re seeing that now

the internet’s been out about years

we’re seeing the first generation of men

and women who had

access to pornography like no other time

in history

we’re seeing what the fallout is and

there are many addicts and there

are many sexually unhealthy people

because of it so i i see my job as just

being out there

trying to educate people trying to let

them know hey this is not harmless

you need to know how to use this if

you’re going to

drink if you’re going to smoke if you’re

going to gamble

you know that there can be a downside to

it you know that you can become addicted

to it

and i just want people to understand

that’s also true with pornography

hello hopefully hopefully that answers

your question

yeah so how

someone can identify whether he or she

is a born addict

uh well there’s a few different ways

first

uh i can tell you as an addict it wasn’t

really about uh

satisfying any sexual needs i had

i thought that it was at first but now

that i’ve been through the therapy now

that i know about it

i can look back and i can recognize that

it was really about calming myself down

i drank i drank to numb i drank to

numb myself with pornography and

everybody’s a little bit different why

they

become an addict but with myself it was

about

uh part of me is my new little kitten

my uh my pornography use was about

control

when i was a child at that babysitter’s

house

i lost my control in life and i promised

myself i would always have control

and in those times in my life when my

control

dropped hey there wow i’m sorry about

that this kid i can’t keep this kitty

away from me today

um i i couldn’t i couldn’t control what

was happening to me at that babysitter’s

house

i made myself a promise that i

would uh one day uh

not let anybody control me so i owned my

own

companies you know i owned my own house

i didn’t let people control me

except of course we could never control

ourselves a hundred percent

so when i used pornography that was when

i had very little control

because when you think about it nobody

when you’re looking at pornography

is ever going to say no to you the

person on that page

the person on that screen they can’t say

no to you

you can have a blonde-haired girl you

can have

three girls you can have five guys four

girls

three goats and a horse you can have

whatever you want and nobody is ever

going to say no to you

you are the master of your own world

there and where

do people want more control in their

lives

than in than you know in as a as a quasi

you know sexual being that’s that’s the

epitome of control i think for a lot of

people

and that was it for me and that allowed

me to

in times when i was having trouble

running my company in times when i

wasn’t connecting with my family

you know just when i wasn’t making a lot

of money or

just different things happening when i

felt like

i was out of control pornography allowed

me to feel like i did have

control now that may not be the case for

everybody

but there are certain things that most

people can look for

number one with addiction and this is

true with all addiction

is that you make a lot of promises to

yourself that you can’t keep

uh for pornography it might be oh i’m

only gonna look at pornography

two times this week but you end up

looking five times

or you say i’m only going to look at

pornography for minutes

and you end up there for two or three

hours and

it’s because you can’t find that perfect

piece of pornography

that’s going to do whatever needs to

happen in your mind

because addiction whether it’s sex or

porn or gambling or cocaine or alcohol

it’s about the pleasure centers in your

brain

it’s about your dopamine receptors

serotonin and oxytocin a bunch of other

little chemicals in there

it’s about getting those to fire

when you get high for the first time no

matter what your addiction is when you

get high for the first time

it feels great and you are chasing that

high constantly

but you build up a uh

you build up a resistance to it i guess

would be the term

and that’s kind of how somebody who

drinks beer

has to move on to wine or has to move on

to

the hard stuff it’s how a gambling

addict starts

betting you know maybe twenty dollars a

hand and then and then a hundred

what you have to do is escalate these

behaviors

pornography is no different so when you

have to escalate behaviors

what happens well there are trade-offs

you stop

doing the things that you liked in life

maybe you don’t hang out with

friends as much maybe you don’t watch tv

as much

maybe there are you know hobbies you had

you start to replace the things in your

life that you liked

with your addiction

ultimately um ultimately

what happens is that uh

you have to how do i put this

you you have to recognize that your life

is no longer

your life you are giving into this

substance or you are giving into this

behavior

and you’re not in control of things

anymore

and once you realize you’re not in

control

you try to control it but it’s too late

you’re already an addict

and that’s where the real struggle comes

in

because uh once you realize you’re an

addict then you try to fight it you’re

not just doing it to feel good you’re

not just doing it to relieve yourself

you’re not just doing it to feel better

you now recognize it’s a problem but you

can’t stop

so that brings back the anxiety that

brings back the stress

now everything that you were using this

substance for to escape

is back so now you’re an addict and you

have all these problems

and it’s just a vicious circle so you

try to you do more of your addiction

whether that’s more lines of cocaine or

or

more time looking at pornography or

weird pornography or whatever it may be

you have to keep just just ratcheting

things up

and eventually you end up with

uh you end up with a massive problem

that either

you go and get help or you end up

hitting rock bottom now rock bottom can

be

you lose your family and friends you

lose your finances you lose your job

you end up in trouble with the law you

end up in a

physical or mental mess and a lot of

times

if you don’t get help after hitting rock

bottom you end up

dying unfortunately and i i hate to say

that but

you end up dying people die of their

addictions

every day because they can’t get them

under control

despite the fact they know they have a

problem so you know one of the biggest

things is admitting you have a problem

but one of the biggest things is also

understanding that almost

nobody beats addiction on their own uh i

would bet less than one out of a hundred

people who try

beat addiction on your their own you

need the help of other people you need

support you need

sometimes you know therapists sometimes

you need medicine

there are a million different ways there

are step groups

but if you recognize that you do have an

addiction or you think that you’re

getting an addiction

you’ve got to get that help because

addictions don’t get better on their own

they get worse uh and that’s one of the

things that i’m out there

always telling people is that addictions

get worse

you know you can’t just it’s it’s not

like having you know a scrape on your

hand eventually this will heal up

addictions aren’t like that uh people

who

a lot of people who believe that they’ve

beaten an addiction on their own

um they will recognize oh my they didn’t

they actually just switched their

addiction to something else

a lot of people you know kick porn or

think they kick

porn but suddenly realize they’re

playing video games hours a day

or people will kick cigarette smoking

but then they gain

to pounds because they’re eating all

the time now

it’s really important when you try to

kick an addiction

that you kick your addictive behavior

you kick your addictive

personality um it’s it’s

not just enough to switch your addiction

from one thing to another

because like i said addiction isn’t in a

pack of cigarettes

addiction isn’t in a porno magazine

addiction isn’t in

a bottle of beer addiction is up here

and it’s very easy to switch the

addiction

without realizing you’re doing it and

telling yourself the story

that you’re beating the addiction when

in fact

you’re not you’re just switching it so

you know people have to look out for

that

look out for your cravings look out for

any behaviors that you’re switching with

other people

um it’s it’s a scary scary thing

but i am proof if anybody can beat

addiction

um you know if i can beat addiction

anybody can

i beat alcohol in pornography i quit

both on the same day

and uh you know if if i can do it

anybody can do it and that’s why i’m out

there

trying to tell people who think it’s

impossible it is not it’s hard work

it’s sad work it’s angry work it’s

frustrating work

it’s it’s it’s gut-wrenching work but

it’s possible

and i promise you on the other side of

it you feel so much better

so there is um porn is like a

fast-hand sexual educational material

because you know the phone is available

everywhere which is like it is available

in the small

mobile phone you are having the laptop

you are working on

the tv you are watching and the

magazines you are reading

it’s like a first-hand educational

material for the people

those who actually sexually active

like kids those who are actually close

at the age of or where the

hormones are started to make them

too uh sexually active and

so these kind of pornography materials

which is coming

into their hand like a year old

especially

um at this particular time where the

internet is making the pornography

available everywhere and the

approximately percentage of the

content

in internet as a software engineer i

know that approximately percentage of

the content in

internet is actually pornography and

there is which means that there is a

large base of consumer basis available

there out there and they are mostly

teenagers

and their school students

and things like that so

how do you see that how do you see that

the pornography

is programming the kids those who are

coming up and

how do you feel about it what you think

about it

well i ca i can tell you a story uh that

happened about a year ago before

the coronavirus hit i used to go to

a lot of different organizations

including colleges

and give presentations the last time i

was

in a college setting live was about a

year ago

and i spoke to a woman’s sexuality group

at a health center

at a college here here in the u.s and

there was probably about

women there and i gave my

presentation i reached the q

a and one woman who was probably about

years old

she raised her hand and she said to me

i don’t know if you’ve heard this from

other women my age or women in college

but i don’t like to have sex with virgin

men anymore

and i said well that’s very interesting

but what does that have to do with

pornography

but i looked around and i saw a lot of

these women’s eyes

who were around the same age start to

light up and she said well you told me

that and year old boys are

starting to watch pornography regularly

uh most guys who are in college lose

their virginity

     years old so they've had

six or seven years to watch pornography

on their phones on their tablets on

their laptops

how many hundreds and thousands of video

clips have these guys watched

and i realized she’s absolutely right

that

pornography is the sex education

for our youngest guys now and if you

think about pornography

even the most common vanilla

boring pornography one man one woman

no frills you’re going to find that the

man

is almost always the aggressor he’s

speaking to the woman

in horrible ways he’s treating her like

a rag doll

bending her like a pretzel uh you know

he’s not

caring about what she wants and that

doesn’t you know

and we all know how almost all of these

videos end

in a very degrading way

this is not real life those of us who

have had normal sexual

relationships understand the very

basic fact that pornography is fiction

but for so many young boys they treat

pornography

as a documentary that is sexual

education

as non-fiction and the problem is the

first time that they get with a woman

when they are or

their role models for sex

are these male porn stars who were not

acting like real men at

and these young women this year old

year old woman

was explaining that you know i don’t

want to be with a guy like this

i don’t want to be with a guy who his

first time he grabs my neck

and thinks that’s okay or puts me down

and you know calls

me a [ __ ] because he’s seen that five

thousand times in pornography

and the women in this room that i was

talking to were all

nodding and yes yes i don’t want to be

with them with virgin guys because of

this

virg you know when you find out a guy is

a virgin it’s not a turn-off that he’s

never been with a girl

that’s actually a good thing it’s a turn

off because you know he’s probably going

to be aggressive

because he’s watched a lot of

pornography and they don’t want

to have to train these guys into

being a a healthy sex partner they don’t

want it to be their job to have to you

know

almost like a master with their dog and

you know slap them on the nose with the

with the newspaper and say no that’s not

how you behave

they don’t want to be like this so aside

from addiction

pornography is teaching our youngest

men how to behave in the bedroom

but they’re not teaching a real life

scenario they’re teaching this

fantasy scenario but these young men

don’t know so

uh you know when people ask me that

question what’s the big deal with porn

and what’s it really doing to our kids

and

you know obviously there’s addiction but

most people aren’t addicts well

it is teaching our youngest generation

um who don’t know any better who think

that that’s real life they’re watching

on the screen

what a healthy sexual relationship is

and that’s not true a healthy sexual

relationship is one

where both partners are communicating

and getting their needs met

um but you don’t hear that in

pornography

and that’s why we need whether it be

parents or schools

you don’t have to talk about what’s

what’s in a porno movie you just have to

let these boys know at or

what they’re looking at is not real life

um so how do you

see that if we are teaching the kama

sutra the

textbook of the sacred sexuality where

the

uh each other’s need has been actually

met

and talked in a deeper way like when we

are talking about the tundra

the sacred sexuality which is in

atharva veda which has been actually a

sacred text

comes from india so uh

it’s actually sex is being done after

days of certain rituals

uh the partners won’t come into sexual

conduct just

if a partner got us just a sudden turn

on it is not going to end up in the sex

actually like it will be taking days

of rituals and worshipping each other

and taking each other as a

god or goddesses and comes into contact

and

like it’s like so there

they can experience a kind of uh

ecstasy which is like you know um

which is beyond what a normal uh

sex can uh uh offer

so imagine that somebody is going to

schools and colleges

and teaching kamasutra how do you see

about it

how do you feel i i think that’s great

because

you know we’ve talked about unhealthy

sexuality but

how amazing does that sound what you

just described

it sounds wonderful and you know

sexuality a lot of people who

uh talk about pornography or talk about

pornography addiction

uh they seem to almost be anti-sex

people

and i i’m not that way at all i mean

i’ve i’ve

i was born i have two kids sex is a

wonderful gift given to us by god

no matter what religion you you uh

believe

or or none at all sex is a magnificent

miracle when you think about it on a

scientific level

of how you create another human being

it’s a wonderful vehicle

for expressing physical love to another

person

and when you and that person are

communicating

when you and that person are on the same

page

you know and and bringing each other up

that’s amazing you know it’s when one

person

is into one thing and forces it on

somebody else

you know you can have two people who

like pornography and want to watch it

together

that’s totally cool if one person wants

to watch it and the other doesn’t

you can’t force them to watch it if one

person wants to

play with whips and chains or play with

food or whatever it is

and the other person doesn’t that’s not

healthy to force them to

if they both want to play with whips and

chains if they both want to play with

food

whatever if they both talk about it if

they both

reach consensus and communicate and

agree that they want to do something

and they explore their sexuality

together uh consensually

and sharing i think that’s an absolutely

wonderful thing uh i think that’s one of

the greatest things in the world you and

i are only here because of sex

uh it’s it’s funny that you know for

thousands of years

you know different civilizations have

been so

scared to talk about it and so ashamed

to talk about it well

guess what we’re all naked under these

clothes every single one of us

there’s not a single person out there

who’s not naked under these clothes

there’s not a single person out here who

it wasn’t a man and a woman got together

to create that person

that’s how it works i don’t know why

we’re ashamed of it i don’t know why

we’re embarrassed of it

i don’t know why there isn’t more

celebrating of it

i think that ins i think that when you

are ashamed when you hide

when you won’t talk about things that’s

when you know unhealthy sexuality

breeds it’s like you know putting seeds

in a garden unhealthy sexual seeds

sunshine on them what we need to do

and then pouring water and putting

is if we could have more of these open

discussions

about sexuality i think we’d be a much

more healthier world i think there

wouldn’t be a need for pornography

nearly as much i i think that people

would

be more open with their partners you

know in talking about the kama sutra

you know i know that there are a lot of

people who because of you know certain

media out there just look at it as crazy

sex positions

and that’s all it is and there’s so much

more to

it um you know if if you do get into it

and obviously you know i’ve been to your

website

i’ve learned a lot uh and i i think that

you know when done correctly utilizing

the kama sutra

you know as a couple is a magnificent

thing i think it’s a wonderful thing i

don’t think there’s

anything to be ashamed or embarrassed

about uh

you know utilizing it so

uh right now if we see the statistics in

the

internet india is the one of the largest

consumer

country of the phone in the world and

that country that particular country has

actually banned the movie named

kamasutra to release in india

so there is a hypocrisy is existing

on the face of uh hypocrisy existing

with the human beings

where they are the largest consumer of

the bone one hand

and other time they are actually acting

like they are not

you know because the the people

might uh talk lies but the numbers won’t

number and i gotta tell you that one of

the things i’ve learned

in the last five or six years of

studying pornography

studying pornography and obscenity law

how governments deal with this kind of

stuff the people who

yell the loudest are usually the ones

who use it the most

the people who you know i i look at just

here in america

you look at something like you know

there was a there was a senator

who was you know screaming that he was

anti-gay legislation there should be no

gay marriage now

i i don’t care how anybody thinks about

that but what about what did this guy do

he got busted by the police with a man

in an airport bathroom

uh because he was secretly gay and what

i have found

in you know studying this kind of stuff

the people who make the laws or just the

people who

scream and yell about this the loudest

about how much they hate it or how much

they uh

you know how we should all behave a

certain way

they are usually the ones who are

behaving absolutely the opposite

and you know the internet

whether a country wants to accept it or

not

is an international entity and it’s much

like you know anybody who has a

uh you know any any year old uh

can tell you how to get on the internet

and find anything they want

in any country that they’re in around

the world you know

you have countries you know for instance

i know the uk

uh has just put a ban on anybody

under accessing a porn site

and has said that all porn sites now

need to have some kind of authorization

at the front of them that uh you have to

prove you’re .

well come on there are sites from russia

and india

and the us and africa

and australia that are never going to

comply with this

and what happens if the uk finds that

their ip address and puts a block on it

well you just get a different ip address

and put up the exact same website

you know what if you’re in the uk and

you’re a year old kid and you want to

get at this stuff

you put a vpn on your computer you know

and i’m not sharing any

great insider tips here it is it is

it is very similar it is very simple to

get at pornography so the idea that

you’ve got these hypocrites in

government who

want to uh pretend this stuff isn’t out

there want to pretend they’re not using

it and think that the best situation is

to bury your head in the sand

all they’re going to do in the long run

is make the situation worse

we have too many young people who are

becoming addicts

because they have access to pornography

but they don’t have the education and

warnings that come along with it

and these people you know at least in

america

they’re not trying to outlaw tobacco why

because the tobacco crop makes millions

of dollars

because it’s regulated they’re not

trying to outlaw alcohol why

because alcohol makes millions of

dollars in taxes and it’s regulated

you know they can regulate the

pornography industry

if they want to that just starts to get

into a place where they have to talk

about

the morals around pornography and the

ethics around pornography

and as a government entity i don’t think

they really have to do that i think that

they just

need to be able like they do with

alcohol like they do with tobacco

to say that this is a substance that

should not be used by people who are

under

you should teach the people under why

they shouldn’t use it when they’re under

give them the reasons against it and

then when they turn

it’s up to them you know if you’re

years old here in america go buy

cigarettes

you know go buy some booze it’s even now

you can go buy marijuana

and now and it’s it’s one of these

things where

i learned about marijuana in school i

learned about tobacco in school my

parents taught you know

even though i didn’t listen to them my

parents told me not to drink

my parents didn’t tell me anything about

pornography and i don’t think most

parents tell their kids about

pornography

because number one they’re embarrassed

and number two

they don’t know what to say even those

who aren’t embarrassed

aren’t quite sure how to handle it with

their kids

and that’s what we need more of we need

less

government trying to keep it away from

us

because history has shown it’s not going

to be kept away from us

so if it’s not going to be kept away

let’s deal with it

in the smartest healthiest way possible

so how do you um so for instance if some

somebody want to go to schools and teach

kamasutra and things like that and

there is a hypocritic kind of situation

is actually

existing what could be your smartest

suggestion for someone who want to do

that

what could be your smartest suggestion

whether it is in india or u.s

because the largest

is to talk about it teach about it

have conversations about it that don’t

have

shame and judgment you know when you

know

when pornography comes up as a topic

somebody will always make a face or say

they don’t look at that garbage

or you know something like that that

immediately shuts people down

you know if you and i are having a a an

adult conversation

about pornography use and a third person

joined us and says you’re all just a

bunch of perverts if you look at

pornography

pornography is bad you’re going to go to

hell and

they’re shutting you down you don’t want

to continue to have that adult

conversation

because they’re making you feel bad or

trying to make you feel bad

as a person now ironically they probably

look at pornography themselves

and will never admit it because they’re

so ashamed of it

it’s not just the government everybody

is like this um

and that’s that’s ultimately the problem

is no matter what it is that you’re

trying to teach

about sexuality about pornography about

the kama sutra

about the body itself you know we carry

and like i said it’s it’s through so

many religions so many cultures

that we have problems talking about our

body we have problems talking about

sexuality and we need to get over this

this is you know the st century we’re

now

one fifth finished through the th st

century

and it’s time for us to not act like

it’s years ago

it’s time for us to grow up to remove

the shame of it

you know hey we’re all here because our

parents had sex

we can’t pretend that our parents never

had sex

we are proof they did and that’s not a

bad thing that’s not a dirty thing

that’s not a gross thing

that’s so that’s in most cases a

wonderful thing

um you know i know there are cases where

it’s not but that in most cases is a

wonderful thing

and it should be celebrated and

sexuality should be celebrated

i think we have so much unhealthy

sexuality in this world

we have so much shaming so much

embarrassing

because people are just kind of raised

to not talk about it you know and like i

said

you know we’re all naked under these

clothes and most but most

there are a lot of people who would deny

being that

because there’s something dirty about a

naked body

there’s something to be ashamed about a

naked body and i don’t care if you’re

super thin

super fat black white asian

indian blue green purple whatever you

may be

the body is the body some some are

you know prettier than others some are

more functional than others some are

stronger than others

some are taller some are shorter but we

each have

these magnificent vehicles they’re the

only ones we have we should take care of

them and

we should celebrate them and i think

that

that gets lost even today and that’s a

shame

because with all of this technology we

have in the world

with all of the knowledge we have at our

fingertips

uh like no other time in the history of

mankind

we’re still acting like like cavemen

when it comes to this stuff

and it’s time to be a little bit more

enlightened and and grow up a little bit

and recognize that uh all of these

negatives that or stereotypes or beliefs

that we have with sexuality

they come from the people who were

before us who couldn’t handle it

and it’s up to us to try to change

things and move things forward

and it’s up to us to talk to our

children to try to change things to try

to move things forward

you know it’s the perpetuation of the

species and maybe

conversations like you and i are having

wouldn’t have been done

years ago because there were no

podcasts

and maybe there is a year old kid

listening to us

and maybe there’s a year old lady

listening to us

and maybe both of them will walk away

you know with a healthier attitude

towards sexuality

no matter what’s happened in their past

that it’s not a dirty thing that it’s

something that does need to be talked

about

and when we repress our beliefs about

sexuality when we repress

these conversations that’s when you

start moving into unhealthy areas

that’s when you start to you know uh uh

experiment and look for pornography that

may be a little bit outside the norm

you know if you like whips and chains

good for you

i’m sure that there is a woman or a man

out there for you

who also like whips and chains go and

and find them

and go and explore that side of yourself

in a healthy way

doing it in a basement by yourself

feeling embarrassed and ashamed

is not healthy and that’s what we need

to talk more about is that you know

the pornography that we we search for in

this world

is a lot of it is not healthy but

we have no other place to explore our

sexuality

you know pornography allows us all those

little things that it’s

us in the back of the head that we don’t

want to talk about that

maybe turn us on a little bit maybe you

know there are men who like to wear

women’s clothes

and you know there are women who want to

be with women

and there are all these different things

that as normal people we wouldn’t talk

about

because we know it’s not safe in society

or accepted in society

and pornography allows you to explore

that which isn’t necessarily a bad thing

but when it comes with shame when it

comes with embarrassment

when it comes with this negative baggage

that’s when pornography becomes a bad

thing and if you have an addictive

personality

that’s when it becomes an unhealthy

borderline dangerous thing

so right now um it’s a

virus i mean the covet situation which

is actually happening

across the globe and people’s are

getting caught up

inside their home and websites like

pornhub and stuffs like that they are

offering a free premium

things like that uh like how do you see

this

i mean mostly most of the people just

got a

very good exposure to chronograph

pornography

at this particular point of time i mean

in last

this year at least uh because of the

covet kind of situation uh how do you

see

the result could be what could be the

result that

a lot of people are looking at

the users of pornography saying you know

and

and there are more people using it by

far you know you just have to look at

website statistics to see that

i think the biggest fallout of uh

pornography

is from the pandemic is going to come

from the people who started

making it you look at a website that’s

popular here in the u.s

like like and only fans and

only fans on january st

had about people worldwide

making pornography and posting it on

this site

and as we come into the new year of

there are between . and . million

people

making pornography on the website that

means in

more than a million people have joined

just this one website

to make and sell pornography well who

are they

they are the youngest adults out there

the ones who have been raised on the

internet the ones who don’t have stigma

about pornography

or nudity uh like their parents do like

their grandparents do

they were raised on internet pornography

so it’s kind of normal to them

um but the the thing

is these people uh you know they see the

money and it’s great

but what they find is that they love the

attention and i i

actually my third book is about the

people who moved on to the internet as

pornography creators

during the pandemic it’s called porn in

the pandemic and

i talked to a lot of these people who

were new to either only fans or new to

to cam websites and uh

what i heard from them again and again

yeah the money is great but what i like

i like being told that i am beautiful i

like being told i’m handsome

in real life i can’t get a boyfriend but

on only fans i’ve got men sending me

money

who say they want to get married and

these people what they are feeling they

are feeling that dopamine rush

that the person who looks at pornography

feels

that the addict that the addict feels

when they look at pornography

they are looking to get those pleasure

chemicals uh

um you know ticked off in in

in the way that makes them feel good and

feeds their addiction

well these people now they’re going

online

showing naked pictures of themselves and

not just you know and you talk to a lot

of these people these young people

     they start

just with you know being in their

underwear or in lingerie

and then they start to show a little bit

more and they show a little bit more and

a little bit more

and eventually they are having you know

full-on sexual

intercourse on these websites because

they have to keep escalating

to keep getting that attention from

people to keep being told that they’re

beautiful or that you know they’re

somebody who

you know they want to be with you know

there’s somebody who

oh i i had such a bad day but now i can

come onto the computer

and i can look at you and you’re amazing

well

there’s some you know there’s some guy

some girl

sitting in their bedroom in america who

is probably depressed who hasn’t been

able to get out because of the

uh the cove situation who now believes

that you know

the best way to feel good is to start

making pornography and putting it online

whether it’s only fans whether it’s cam

websites

and i believe that the long-term uh

effect

of the uh pandemic is not going to

necessarily be with porn watchers i

think it’s going to be with porn

creators

i think that you know you go back to the

s and   s

how many porn stars were in the world at

any one time maybe a thousand or two

thousand they made movies you had to get

into that industry

now if you have a webcam and a internet

hookup you can do it from your bedroom

and oh there’s the kitty again uh you

can do it from your bedroom

and it’s the easiest thing in the world

to to

produce pornography and it makes a lot

of money compared to working in a

restaurant or working at a store

and people you know see the money and

then they realize how good it makes them

feel

you know their boss they’re their own

boss they don’t have to put up with

somebody who’s being a horrible guy to

them

at the restaurant or somebody who a

nasty customer at the clothing store

or whatever it is they’re in their

bedroom they’re only working two hours a

day

and they’re getting all this dopamine

being told how great they are

so you know to answer your question you

know obviously people are looking at

more porn during the internet i’m sure

there are more addicts

now than there ever was but i really

feel for this group of to year

olds

who to make money went online and

discovered

so much else comes with making

pornography

i think they’re going to be the true

victims of this uh

this uh pandemic

how can they safeguard themselves like

i mean what do you say to them i mean i

don’t

feel like using the word safeguard by

themselves i mean

uh people’s has to do what they like to

do but

uh as a porn addict who has came through

all this scenario

and who has seen the what it has it can

do to a human being

and what it can do to a life and

like that as a uh what would you

like to tell to them like um

like you know i i wish i knew what to

say to the to year olds but i was

once to and you couldn’t tell me

anything

you know i i i you know you could you

could tell me the sky was blue and i’d

tell you it’s red

um because that’s how people who are

to year old are you know

i i i love young people i love hanging

out with them

uh both of my kids are in that age group

but this is the age group that because

they’re individuals and they’re out on

their own and they’re making their own

decisions

and they haven’t made a lot of horrible

mistakes

that they’ve had to pay for yet that

they don’t think they’re making mistakes

so it’s it’s it’s tough to tell this

group

what to do what we need to do is have

less people become

part of this group i believe that it

comes from you know

you know it’s it’s almost honestly it’s

almost impossible

it’s very difficult a lot of energy a

lot of

effort to try to convince a year old

who’s already engaged in a certain

behavior to stop

it’s so much easier to convince

year olds never to start and that’s

what we need to do

we need to look at the next generation

coming up

i don’t think it’s never to stop i mean

like

we should teach them sacred sexuality

what is the sacredness of the sexuality

because

when we say no to that the first thing

comes to the people is like

why why this no you know so they

definitely try it out

so saying no is uh opening up the

alternative is the

possible way that’s what i feel like oh

oh yeah the last thing that anybody

who’s wants is somebody who’s twice

their age telling them what to do

um and i think that i think that

you know internationally i think that

in the home and i think for the

individual it all

again comes down to education it comes

down to not uh

not shaming uh treating sexuality

differently than we have throughout

history i mean

i i look at my grandmother she’s she’s

no longer with us but

um she told a story when i was younger

about how in something she went off

to the lake or the beach

and she was wearing a two-piece bathing

suit

and it showed this much skin around her

stomach

just this much skin and

it was a big uh it was a big deal

the the police were called she was

forced to leave the beach and go home

because it was considered indecent what

she was doing

now fast forward and at least here in

america

you now have kids who are and

years old

putting almost naked pictures of

themselves on instagram

for everybody to see that’s only in

in years our minds

don’t evolve that fast technology

evolves that fast but our minds don’t

evolve that fast

so what we need to do is we need to just

have

more uh conscious decision making

more conscious conversation we need to

stop and not just say oh

sex was dirty years ago it’s still

dirty today

and uh it doesn’t matter if there’s more

skin out there well you know what sex

was never dirty sex wasn’t dirty

years ago

it wasn’t dirty years ago

people put their beliefs

their prejudices their stereotypes

on to the behavior for whatever reason

whether that came from their parents

their religion their culture and like i

said it’s across the board throughout

the world

and we need now that the world is so

connected because of the internet um you

know the internet’s done a number on us

when it comes to pornography but the

internet i think will also be one of the

saving graces

and that it allows us to communicate

about this

i mean think about that years ago i

could not be

talking in essentially a video phone

call

to somebody on the other side of the

world even if i wanted to just talk to

you on the regular phone

it would have cost you know half my

week’s salary to do that

and now we’re doing it for free you know

it’s it’s one of these things that

technology moves so much

faster than our minds move that we have

to not just go with the flow

we have to stop we have to look at the

situation

and we have to address what’s the

healthiest way to move forward

um and use our brains you know god gave

us

you know our sexuality god also gave us

our brains so you know let’s use them

and make the best decisions possible

yeah um

thank you for listening to my podcast

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