The Wounded Healer: Turning an Abusive Childhood into a Journey of Healing

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hello so uh can you what are you basically like you know good question uh yeah professionally I guess I am a spiritual counselor psychic medium uh predominantly work as an energy healer uh but I specialize in old souls and uh narcissistic abuse um so what do you mean by a psychic medium like why do you identify yourself as a psychic medium if you look into the outside there are people uh they are maybe psychologically or uh or their psych is more advanced than that of the um common human beings or maybe they are like they are less than that of the uh psychic medium or maybe they are not a medium at all so how do you identify yourself as a medium well in my own teachings I was taught that somebody who you know basically anyone could be psychic we all have psychic abilities our claes connect us to our psychic gifts and there are people that believe that every single person on this planet is psychic or has the ability to be and then there are people that believe that many people have the ability to be a medium and yet not everybody can I personally feel that to be a psychic medium you have the ability to read people read their energy uh in some cases there's variances on predictions I think that's changed a lot with a lot of the energies that have changed on this planet and a lot of astrologists have been able to point to that as well and then medium is the ability to communicate with another side so on the astral plane people that have passed and and in some cases mediumship can be considered you know on this plane so like for example I often hear inner thoughts so I can serve as a medium especially to uh children for their parents cuz a lot of children's inner thoughts are much easier to explain than the spoken word because their verbal uh communication is not up at to the adult level yet so that is my understanding of psychic mediumship and I know uh there are people that have different definitions and different explanations especially based on where you're at uh you know like I'm in the US and that's my understanding uh but I've had people in the UK for example to say you're either a psychic or you're a medium so I really believe it's a matter of what you personally connect with how does the like whether um if you for example I am from India and you are from us like you know how does the land will Define the psychic psychic ability how does what with the psychic ability how does the land I mean uh the place where they are into is it psychic ability I think at psychic ability is just your ability to uh like for me it's reading energy it's reading somebody's uh you know like their field their Aura their chakras and you know but some people will look at psychics differently like psychic that will predict all aspects of the future and I believe we've gotten very far away from that because there's so many different parallels and paths and because of that you know prediction-based psychic work is very different now than I believe it was you know 10 20 years ago so basically I do prediction like I read the uh tarot cards and also I read the uh VI astrology so basically what I do is like I look into the there it's it's actually classified and uh it's actually uh um you know it's a branch of science if we study that we can actually increase the uh um um the ability of mind and soul or anything that sort and based on that we could actually go for these kind of uh predictions and things like that so uh when we are looking into this consideration like how do you classify the peoples those who are 20 years ago with now what is the difference there well I feel that I for one I agree with you as far especially when it become when it relates to astrology I believe astrology is one of the best ways to work with predictions however I'm talking more about individuals and our Free Will and our paths I don't believe it's as clearcut as it was want meaning uh are and it doesn't mean we didn't always have free will we always have but I believe so many people have you know stepped into this Awakening process and they're changing their realities and they're changing their Futures and they're changing their past even based on how they are shifting but what regardless of how they're shifting I believe it can be done in all different ways um but it really is coming down to these conscious acts they're making that is very different than it used to be people would just kind of live life and uh it was common to you just for example to complain if you have a bad day or a bad interaction and I believe that's shifted so much now where people are becoming much more aware of their words and how they're talking about things in order to change their experiences shift their experiences to more of a learning based aspect and I just don't feel that was the case uh even 10 years ago and especially not 20 years ago but that's again that's my personal experience and uh just with people around me it's not to suggest that it that's exactly how it is for every single person so if you look into nowadays like you know most of the peop are in the terms of spirituality they talking about the uh 3D 4D 5D stuff and you know funneling through different portals and uh maybe you know uh the past lives could be the another Dimensions which they are existing and uh you know maybe even the aliens also could be from the different time iions that are coming to this particular Dimensions which we are living into so what you think about all these things how do you feel about all these stuff like you know with your energy well for one I think it's pretty incredible uh and I also believe that we're only going to understand so much I believe that the human brain can only understand a a bit of what is going on and as great as that is I think I'm more excited for learning more Beyond you know like Beyond this lifetime what you know and really I don't even think it's a matter of learning but so much is remembering I feel we are so dumbed down and uh you know but at the same time we're living a human experience and we're meant to do that we've chosen to do this and I believe we do have an aspect of control but not as much as many of us wish to have in that regard and uh you know the more we could just release and surrender to the process I think the easier we make it for ourselves uh but it has been very interesting I can say and I think it will continue to get more interesting as time goes on how do you feel about that like you know um you as you said you are a medium uh would you be able to sense these kind of Dimensions or anything that sort I would say probably yes but I don't think I'm always aware of it especially if it's unknown to me meaning that if something has presented to me and I feel something I feel something coming I feel something shifting I don't feel I can always explain what it is more so than just understand something's changing something's shifting something has entered or exited you know I think there's variances and I think it again will be based on the individual but uh you know even just little things like when we hear like ringing in our ears you know it is supposedly us getting downloads right and things like that happening for us things happening in our dreams that are making us more aware of these aspects so I I think again I I feel uh it's pretty amazing uh and I think I just think continuing to stay open in uh I I think in the best way possible you know I think a lot of us are uh skeptical to a degree so it's kind of keeping that as a healthy dose of skepticism I think it's good here then what would be like you know as a normal person also will not be able to uh uh dis okay let's come into this way like you know when you are a medium medium is something a channel which has been uh uh doing uh into the Manifest into this physical Dimension so like is that is what my understanding so what do you channelize when you're a medium for me I more connect to when I have a client for example I will connect to them first and then ask for whoever has a message for them to come forward and whoever does come forward is usually the person that has the message they need at that time it isn't necessarily always the one they want to see because I think we often have uh the one person we really are hoping to hear from and again I always believe Spirit knows best and it's just trusting who comes and who has that message and what that message is for and it's more about that just kind of delivering the message because it's not up to me to interpret it's really just up to me to again serve as a medium but I also don't do that in most of my work like mediumship is not my primary work I think it's great I think it's incredible uh it is not the thing I do I I would say my mediumship right now is probably 10% of my work then what is the 90 percentage the work you do energy healing how does it work I will work with somebody on their traumas because anyone that comes to me has had uh probably pretty severe trauma uh childhood trauma uh narcissistic abuse and that affects somebody's energy it affects their chakra system it affects their Aura and they will oftentimes be symptomatic uh where it's manifested into their their health and in other times it does not uh but I am able to read their energy to tell them what I what is coming forward most so much like medium whatever comes most forward that's what we are meant to focus on and I help them uh understand one what's going on where it's come from and we also try and uh find what's connected to it is it a person is it a bottom belief is it uh just an experience it again will vary by individual and then working on healing that so in some cases it can be uh just a visual meditation it can be um some EFT exercises it could be uh just individual chakra exercises again will very much depend on the individual and I will receive messages on what will help that person at how is is this a is this um why would you like to call this as a spiritual healing or uh this is a psychological [Applause] um uh stuff is that what you're it's probably a mix of both I would call it spiritual healing because in the US in order to do any kind of psychological therapeutic healing it there's licensing required and I do not have that and I do not make claims to have that type of background and even have to put the disclaimer of that I am not a medical professional and uh you know that that's not my my aspect of uh my profession however there are many aspects of psychology that do play into what is going on with us and I'm able to read it spiritually and also connect the psychology to it so um is that a bypassing or uh is it a by person a by bypassing I'm asking oh bypassing uh I would I I wouldn't like to bypass because that's I feel like that's almost that's being inauthentic right um to bypass or find a loophole and that's not what I want to do I feel that it's so important to be authentic and to be authentic is one to be honest so if I felt called to go into psychology I certainly would have done that um and there is a statistic I I don't know exactly what it is but just a high percentage of people that have had very difficult uh life's experiences often become uh go into the field of Psychiatry psychology uh I even have some clients who are therapists who are licensed psychiatrists uh it has uh that we find each other for reasons uh so I don't try to be them and they don't try to be me I feel like like it's a matter of finding what works for us and I mean and truthfully I started doing this because I understand narcissism really well and I'm able to help people heal from something that is incredibly difficult to heal from narcist ideologies if I'm not uh wrong like you know I've been into you know about the uh rainbow gathering this is a Hipp Gathering which is been actually started in the US basically so there is not a narcistic commune or anything that sort but everybody behave as a narcissist but you know they don't actually kill each other I mean go to I mean goody goody narcist people so when you're uh trying to say uh how do do you got any kind of experiences on that or what you mean by the word narcissism well narcissism is a spectrum and I believe we all like you said we all have elements of narcissism within us we live in a very narcissistic Society it is a matter when the narcissism overpowers the individual and they lead by it so there's this false sense of self that they are leading with that that version of them and it becomes severely abusive because there is a really difficult aspect to have relationships with these people of any kind romantic platonic because uh they're never wrong uh they really struggle to be self-reflective and uh the gaslighting aspects are uh very damaging to someone that has had to experience that for many many many years which is often the case so it is not always obvious when you are dealing with a narcissist because of the fact that it is a spectrum so it is understanding the tactics the techniques and how to really help yourself because a lot of people want to change the narcissist and that is not what I recommend anyone do the only way we can create change in our own lives is to change ourselves or change our environments and situations [Music] what was the experience like uh for example any kind of nist peoples those who came to you and what happened is there anything that sort of the thing which has happened in your career it will vary some people will have experiences with a covert narcissist where they've been manipulated their entire lives uh other people will have experiences with the more overt narcissists where the experiences were very volatile uh abuse uh physically emotionally uh it will really depend uh and in a lot of cases um people are experiencing a great deal of fear uh but also the biggest thing they have is Hope and a lot of why people stay in relationships with such people is the hope that they will be better do better especially because they know the fact that they can a narcissist is not all bad it is for the most part I will say and when you see those good sides to them and those good aspects you hold out for hope that that side of them will return and that it will all be better so what people tend to do is they want to improve themselves and make the narcissist happy and appease them to bring that great version of them forward and I don't feel in aspect it is easy for anybody to see this this is kind of a slow drip method over time where you might awaken to the fact you are in fact in a relationship with a narcissist especially again going back to the fact that it's a spectrum they're not going to necessarily show all aspects of being a narcissist right out of the gate so is there any experiences which got in your career any particular client that came to you and uh that uh they have got a very pretty healing and uh anything that sort which they have shared with you like you know for example there are narcist can be very different way like you know there might be a feminist nist like you know because of this particular ideology or communist narcissist because of this particular ideology which they are got attached to or for example there is also a civilized nist like you know the civilization can take them to a a topmost uh uh edge of the uh you know violence basically because they uh try to stick with with that particular stuff for a long time and you know um so this kind of thing is there anything has happened to you like you know any kind of people those who came to you and where you were able to heal them in a particular certain way and you were able to identify what is actually happened with them uh is there anything that sort of story which you would love to share actually uh well most clients are coming to me initially for answers they want to know what to do and I really believe that's not my job in the sense of telling them what to do my job is to give them back their power and help them find that and help them connect to it because I am not going to be present for every interaction with the narcissist so what I help them do is I help them strengthen the chakras that have been weakened I help them uh strengthen themselves from an emotional standpoint help them understand what has happened help them regulate their nervous system and give them the exercises to repair this so uh thing is like shall I that I I would love to put I mean uh you know if what would be the result of uh is there something has happened like a more empowered narcist Behavior after I well yeah and that's a really good question that's why there it's not it's not a prescription you know it's not like here do this and that's what's going to work it really is going to depend because in some cases if someone's in a relationship with an overt narcissist uh and they're instructed to set boundaries that narcissist might flip out on them and become extremely violent so a lot of people will push oh you have to set boundaries you have to do that and while I agree it is important to set boundaries you really have to know who you're dealing with and who you're in a relationship with because I do also work with people that have dealt with domestic violence and setting boundaries in those situations are very dangerous uh so I do believe it is very important to understand what that individual is going through that's why I don't like to be basic and there there is no standard to that it is very much who you're dealing with uh I had one woman specifically who was dealing with domestic violence and she was incredibly frightened and didn't know what to do but she was desperate to leave so it in those situations I definitely connect those type of people uh with people that specialize in domestic violence we have domestic violence hotlines uh to get them into an environment where they're going to feel safe before even thinking about things like setting boundaries especially if they have children involved [Music] so is what the result never been a um more ow nist actually or more lighter narcist after the I mean yeah I mean I I've never seen a narcissist change as far as get better but they do often get worse and it yeah like I think if anyone is coming to me and um help with their relationship it I I'm always very clear that if the relationship is going to change for the way they want it it they're really going to have to be very understanding toward the fact that um they're not going to get a narcissist to change they just they don't um in that not in the sense of getting better uh unless they're willing to look at themselves and I I have yet to have that experience for a narcissist to be able to say that they're a [Music] problem so d there are cases which their behaviors are become more lighter that's what you mean yeah it's it just you know their behaviors own them and become so much a part of them and they tend to lack the understanding of true love and compassion and what that really means at the core they think they love um but a narcissist version of Love is incredibly different than what many of us recognizes true love because love is unconditional and narcissists are all about making conditions how do you feel about me I'm a nist do I think you're a narcissist yeah I believe like anyone you will have narcissistic Tendencies I can't say I've climbed into your energy that deep though to really see are you a narcissist so it would be uh you know a different kind of read but uh it's not always easy to recognize a narcissist right out of the gate because narcissists become really good at putting on a mask so it is made me by Nature a rather skeptical person even as an energy reader but I always trust Vibes yeah you can uh test my vibes and how do you feel about that how do I feel about you yeah all right well I can tell you um you already have a block so I can't get past your heart chakra and your solar plexus chakra which tells me that you've had to be very protective of yourself in this lifetime in what we and hard to say uh I would say um your experiences in life with uh people and life in general uh life hasn't always been easy for you and uh but you're not one to play victim so I Don't Feel Victim mentality but I do feel a protective guard with also this want and willingness to be open so you're good about connecting to people and at the same time that guard still stays up so it's a matter of if you ever want to fully let down and I don't think you're very willing to in general in what way or uh uh what what kind of uh uh energy vibration give you a hint that uh uh maybe I would be um I would be blocking myself or what made you to think in that particular way so well you asked me for re which means you open and then I cannect my chakras will feel your chakras so I all of a sudden got hit in my heart and my solar plexus especially my solar plexus like hard so I knew something was up there and so when I tried to get past it wouldn't let me so that means it's a there's a there's a block there um so and the block could some sometimes be our own blocks and in other ways like because that's like a guard a shield we put up and in other times the block is there because it built up over time uh due to other people uh and sometimes it's um kind of almost this fine line between that it could almost be the same thing it will really vary by [Music] person so in that case what sort of exercises which you will actually tell me to do basically well one thing I would want to do with you uh the spoken word like for example uh you know like talk therapy I don't feel that would be um something that would work well for you it might f a period of time but then you'd hit this place of being like okay now what and not quite feeling you've reached this point of uh healing I'll just use that word uh for all intents and purposes in the way that you would have wanted so for you I would really want to draw out what's going on in your solar plexus because that's not something that's very obvious you it's it's it's quite hidden uh so I would have you start writing because journaling is brings out energetically something that is often hidden and in some cases it won't be obvious so like let's just say I asked you to start journaling about something that hurt you or something that you feel is hidden um it whatever you write may not be so obvious right out of the gate of what maybe that connects to I would feel into the energy of that right so or I'd ask you to climb into that more because sometimes our bottom beliefs are so buried we don't even know them ourselves but here we are subconsciously acting on them because we're so so ingrained in us but that would be how I would start with you is journaling and really like climbing in there um I would also do a guided meditation for you and to like help you walk into that and try and find it because some people have the ability to climb into their own chakras and find some things others don't because they don't feel they're very visual uh so that would very I feel you have that ability to do that so in the guided meditation thing what are the things which you will actually how do you go into the guided meditation and how effective this will be well depends on the person uh in some cases they can go in one guided meditation and find something and try and clear that up and um in other cases they might find something and be shocked by what's there like they might be like oh my gosh why is my sister in here I thought this all related to my father you know so then it's sitting with that further so they may go in and just find something shocking like that and have to really uh unpack that and when it's a deeper wound it just takes more time you know especially if that wound had been reinforced over many years through patterns these are you know especially because I deal with narcissism narcissism is all about patterns of behavior and Cycles so when that cycle keeps going round and round it makes this wound very deep so uh you know and it really is up to the individual too because I'll give people exercises and say okay now start working on these exercises you know we'll check in next month and I have clients that will do their exercises religiously and they will shift their energy incredibly and then I have other clients who will not and they will not have as big of an energetic shift so really it's always up to the individual and what they're willing to do um you know we're very programmed in a society for quick fixes and sometimes these can be quink fixes but a lot of times it's not [Music] um and so this is a kind of Journey therapy person it's definitely individual you know it's a journey therapy that's what you you know the term what is called a journey therapy I'm not sure I'm understanding um I'm trying to say the journey therapy is a sort of therapy gene therapy journey journey journey thank you sorry uh I'm sorry my English is a little bit bad actually no it's no it's more my it's my lack of understanding uh you know and this is how we learn and grow so please don't be sorry uh I apologize as well but we're here we're good uh yeah I guess in a way I mean I have had people ask me if I do Shaman work and I've never studied Shamanism to the degree to be able to feel comfortable calling myself a shaman so yes in a way uh it would be kind of like Journey work but very lately because I feel that in those cases I would say go to a shaman um you know connect with a shaman um you know because people have different opinions on Shamanism as well uh some people believe it has to be you know in the family lineage and others believe otherwise uh so I believe we are called to who we're meant to connect with and uh so I don't necessarily put a lot of labels on the things I do because a lot of what I do is how I'm guided you know I will just sit with somebody and then I'll I might hear something I might feel something you know so I I feel that's kind of how my mediumship comes into my work because I'm serving as a medium I'm delivering messages to a client of here's how I'm being guided on how your journey can heal with these steps um so I just trust Spirit what was that I didn't hear do the last word what was that said I just trust spirit I trust guided yeah just trust that guidance it's like call it my inner voice MH so when did all these things have started when did you started working on uh you know the mediumship or gen theapy or I started doing this like for work officially gosh like five years ago now uh but I was doing it I guess in my personal life so much that I felt like it pushed me into doing it professionally I never thought I'd be doing this professionally I didn't think if you would have told me this was going to be my life I would have laughed because uh I have a business background uh I I had a very different past than my present uh because I I started just by helping kids I helped uh kids be understood by their parents and I had a lot of parents come to me saying how I helped their relationship with their children and they would just refer me to other people and I would just continue to help in that way and so you basically mostly work with the childrens yeah I started with children you I don't work with children as much now as I did then because it was all children then and now I would say um adult children's now yeah no children are amazing children are just incredible and especially because I work with I mean now adult kids you ad children's now I mean you do not like children no no ad D childrens I'm not following sorry children's those who are grown up oh adult children that's a good yeah um oh yeah that's a really good way to put that too because if you think about it you know so many of us are adult children because our growth has been stifled uh at least in my experiences um you know children I think are much more tuned in to what's going on but they just don't always have the words to explain and express that so um what is your background uh which are you from a university or anything that shortly yeah I have a bachelor's degree in business and I worked in business I was in New York for quite some time I'm from that area so I'm very comfortable there and I like I said was doing very different things that I'm doing now uh you know my motivation then was about making money but not uh for the reason most people would assume uh really my Independence was so important to me I never wanted to have to rely on anyone and that really came from um a fear of just not feeling [Music] safe like uh what do you mean by that like you know not wanting to r on somebody can come from a fear of not feeling safe uh well uh my parents were very controlling with money and uh very threatening and I lived a very volatile life and I was very set on never needing to need money from another person because uh conditions came with that and those conditions uh were often incredibly controlling and I didn't want to be controlled so I I I guess really it was the wanting to be be free and to feel free so uh you know Financial Freedom for me meant Independence meant safety meant not having to rely on my parents uh because you know they were the type to give uh but then have many expectations and return uh beyond what I would consider uh a standard for most parents I think a lot of parents will provide for their children and expect them to be and turn out a certain way my parents on the other hand were quite different in that and very controlling it's most of the cases it is like that right I mean I mean in my in my case it is like that I mean the parents are like that yeah I think it uh you know in a lot of cases it is uh but when there is a line of abuse and in my case it was physical abuse I don't agree with [Music] that so it's uh something like I think this is this is a problem which generations of humanity is facing now I mean parents can abuse their kids and both physically and mentally that can be become a trauma MH yeah I think uh it's starting to shift though see the thing is like you know um the uh Kafka kafkas this one philosopher Kafka he wrote a book about the traveling salesman and it's about his father uh I think uh more and more peop are reading that particular novel right now more than that of any time in the history it's all about the abusive uh relatives and the abusive uh relationships which they have got in the journey basically that particular book so yeah I mean how do you reflect on that like well I like I said I believe a lot of it I mean you you have you have an idea about who is Kafka right I mean I I'm not familiar with um that word but I yeah I agree with what you're saying just as far as you know okay the the if you if you don't and uh if you are not like uh this is this is a book um I mean I'll just tell you this particular story of this particular book this book in this particular book the uh the the guy who is uh who is the who is the main character in this particular book he is a traveling salesman and one fine day he woke up on the bird and seeing himself as a bug basically he turned out as a bug a giant bug so the first thing he was thinking um like how do I go to work today because my manager is going to come and when he's trying to go out from the room uh his parents and uh relatives are started to freak out and they locked him inside this particular room and um if you if we see this particular story line you know um their uh parents and their relatives are greatly depends on this particular traveling salesman and his income because of that his family was uh uh um going uh on this particular guy's income and what happened is that once he turned out as a bug they are not anymore depends on him and they started to throw trashes and uh they started to throw rotten food to him and finally he die out of uh uh um this particular traveling salesman die out of hunger basically so this is the story of metamorphosis this the story Nam of the particular novel so this this guy the philosopher Kafka he he did a greater uh deal of uh um putting this particular kind of mentality how do how a person who is greatly abusive will feel in uh his life and basically the all these kind of relationships are not going to make any sense at the end until at last they are truly figuring out um their purposes basically so how do you feel about this this a greater deal of narcissism I think I can I mean if you think about that that's conditioning right and narcissism is a form of conditioning it is also a generational pattern of abuse and it is always individual uh it is you know kind of yeah it's incredibly controlling and again going back to it being a spectrum there's such a variance in people's experiences and how that will work and I don't believe that every parent that is trying to control their child is going to be a narcissist uh in some cases it can just really be fear-based they want to protect their children and so I really believe really getting to the Crux of that helps a lot of people understand like where is this coming from I mean even I've done that you know um I was hit quite a lot growing up beyond the traditional spanking and uh and I didn't know that wasn't normal I would share stories with friends and they would just look at me like Chris that's that's not okay and I I had one person um who was a friend of mine said the next time that happens you should call the police and I did and that backfired completely um the police took me instead and they dropped me off at a local train station and said figure it out so out what figure out what you're going to do they they had no proof and my parents said just take her get rid of her and they did and I uh I called my grandmother who picked me up and drove me right back to my parents house and said you got to deal with this so I had no help I it was a very difficult um life in a lot of ways but I also again under understand why I had to experience all that because that's probably why everything shifted for me into the spiritual aspect you know it's really getting out of the victim mentality you know I'm not a victim and I don't want to be in that it's uh it's very low vibration for one uh but it's really recognizing why did we need to experience the things we need to experience why did our soul choose these lessons why are we here to experience these things and I think when we can look at it from that perspective it helps us change our [Music] story so you want to help other peop those who are getting abused by their peers or parents or anything that sort that's is what you are trying to do now yes it is uh I do my best in that regard uh if anything I feel I help people not feel so alone being in any kind of narcissistic relationship is very isolating and very lonely and you can feel a lot of darkness in such situations I had many years of wishing I was not on this planet my parents made me feel like a terrible person and like life for them would have been much better had I not been born and I felt that way until I left their house and then I like the traveling salesman turned out as a giant living bug basically I was the giant living bug in that household and I was told regularly how difficult I made their lives how hard I was what a problem I was and it it was constant and I I hated myself I absolutely hated myself I thought I was a terrible person I actually um at one point had uh I had had a very bad accident and I remember crying so hard that I survived it because I felt like my parents' lives would have been better my family's life would have been better if I didn't survive it um I didn't get to the point of being suicidal but I certainly thought of death a lot and wished I was no longer here because of how badly they made me feel and I know recognized as I got older and I understood narcissism more it is Extreme ex common for people raised by narcissists or in a situation with a narcissist to feel like they shouldn't be here and I think that's really sad so if I help people understand that they do belong here and they they are serving a purpose then I feel like I've done my job to a degree mhm so is there any messages you want to give to the people I think one message I like like I would I would all to talk like you know we have spoken about the kafkas story like you know how many of these people how many people can relate this uh story to themsel what you think about this I believe it's how they feel they identify with well with any story really if you think about that and uh can you sh shift yourself out of victim mode because I and that is not to suggest that no one should play victim have your moment being a victim because you certainly are when you're in any situation like that story um and you know feel it mourn it experience it you know get that emotion have that come out however um but shift that learn to shift that um you know go from victim to Survivor and see how your life changes when you're able to do that and also recognize that it takes time it's little steps that that that type of behavior that type of story it didn't happen in a day it didn't happen overnight it that's years so healing is going to take time and it's knowing you're worth that time you are worth that healing Journey so uh uh you have started this is a while ago like you know maybe five years I say is about yeah what six yeah I I guess I like I'm like how old is my website because that's when I became more official you know and that's like four or five years now uh but yeah I guess for a while I shied away from it I I I don't know if I felt Worthy M so that was some healing too and you know I think like I said we're always brought to the people we're meant to connect with and when people connect with me I know there's a reason it's not always obvious but like I said I just trust the process and try to just roll with it so basically how many peoples you could have helped in this uh particular years of therapy how many people have I help [Music] mhm that's a really good question I've never really thought of that I'll just leave that at many and the ones that stand out most are the [Music] children and uh parents what was it and their parents mhm mhm how many can you put it a number like maybe 10 20 30 40 50 100 200 500 a billion no no I mean in the beginning when I was first doing it uh with just kids um I say at that time before I was ever doing this professionally you know maybe like 20 to kids uh and since [Music] then I'd say around 6070 more than that at this point uh but like I said I don't work with as many kids now uh I'll work with a lot of parents and then they'll want me to meet their kids um but I I don't do as much uh you know it's not always easy too because in a lot of cases uh the parents can take it very personally and I try really hard not to make a parent feel bad about themselves I think especially if a parent has found me and is asking me to help them with their child they have really good intentions they are not bad people uh but if they have narcissistic Tendencies and do not recognize how they're parenting with that uh and I bring that to light that that could be a little tough of a pill to swallow um so but I and I I also have to be careful too because in some cases uh you know I usually work with women uh and if the the father in the situation or their husband is the narcissist uh that could be a little tricky M and they have a child or they're yeah it's uh it's always interesting I'll just say [Music] that so in some particular situation um f mostly how do you see this uh relationship a son to Father relationship son to mother relationship or daughter to father relationship daughter to son relationship which one is more abusive and why which which one's more abusive mhm where do you find more of the problem I mean I mean we are trying to look into this in a problem because you are a therapist actually I mean I am not but okay so that is a very tricky question if you think about that because you really have to look at what what is the generational pattern so if you have a generational pattern where the man is in char charge and the man is a man's man and has to live life a certain way they tend to be very hard on their sons so in those environments the father toson relationship is more toxic if you have in other situations where um a mother feels threatened by their daughters that's where those relationships are very toxic so I do find this similar gender so father to son mother to daughter are more consistently the toic ones that doesn't mean that can't vary uh I mean I had a I had two narcissistic parents so uh and it it was very different I had very different relationship with my father he was uh very physically abusive my mother was too but my father was scary um to me and really uh it gosh it hurt uh you know when they say you don't remember pain I don't quite agree with that uh but it really again depends on how they were raised and how that cycle has continued and evolve because now we're in a case where I feel a lot more people are aware and they don't want to push forward those patterns of the past but a lot of them what happens is they have tunnel vision so they won't maybe recycle one particular pattern and not realize all the other patterns they're recycling because they again that tunnel vision comes in that's what abuse does that's what trauma does what what is the tunnel vision tunnel vision like when you're hyperfocused on one thing so like for me for example I swore I would not hit my children because I was hit so much and I didn't feel it served me at all uh it just made me very scared and it made me very angry uh I did not want to do that to my own children but I didn't realize some of the other things I was car forward that you know like words coming out of my mouth where I felt like I sounded like one of my parents and I was like oh gosh I can't believe that again that's tunnel vision you're so focused on one aspect you kind of have these blinders on mhm so you're uh feeling this particular pattern is actually uh coming down this what you're trying to say yeah mhm mhm so what kind of data is actually supporting your observation basically I'm sure there's data out there I can't quote any in particular uh I I that's just my own experience uh and I can't say I've even tallied it in my own work uh I and it again it all it also really varies there there is always a variance it's kind of like uh I feel uh a really good book is the birth order book uh that was written um by someone that does have a background in Psychology and how we um are brought up and parented based on our birth order and but the book itself there's variances right so like I for I'll just use myself as an example because it's easy I'm a middle child but I also fit into the variance of being a functional first because there is more than five years between me and my older sibling now I also am my father's first biological child so again that's a variance uh my brother is the the baby of the family but is also the firstborn male so there's a variance of he's a functional first as well as a baby so it's kind of like that you know there is you don't always fit into a box you can kind of fit into ax box but you're also put your foot in another one so it works much like that and I feel that uh I was very drawn to that book because I see a lot of that in my own work of how someone behaves of how someone uh parents it very much uh will relate to their birth order and the variances within that do you have any pedagogical approach pedagogy I mean any any kind of structured approach to the person who is uh coming to any kind of therapy to you sorry could you elaborate on that question because I don't feel I fully understood that like uh there is a pedagogy in any kind of curriculum like you know like like you are going to middle school you are going to the secondary school you are going to the like that there is a a pedagogy this is the thing you have to learn this is the thing you have to learn so when it comes to the uh therapy there can be intuitive also there can be pedagogical also like you know there is more structured or scientifical way to analyze the person who is coming to or there is more of in s like a shaman who is more or less of an intutive person like you know what happens he see the reality and uh reflect himself or herself into that particular reality which is happening around them that could be by from that indication from the nature around them or maybe uh a spiritual uh spirit spiritual uh existence or spiritual uh self which is existing that is giving messages to this particular medium or the shaman or that something that sort so I'm just uh uh trying to say that whether you are following any sort of pedagogical approach where there is a structured way this this these are the process or this is something like which is coming uh uh intuitively and um you know yeah for me it there definitely is no structure it's uh 100% intuitive and maybe I wouldn't say 100% I'll I'll uh I'll I'll leave a small room for just my ability to sense and read people um because you know our intuition can vary right uh you know if some cases if someone's putting up a block I'm not going to be able to read them fully and that means I'm meant to you know you don't break through somebody's energetic walls like you wouldn't push through their own door it's the same thing uh but yeah I don't I don't believe uh structure is for me uh although I like it to a degree uh but you know I I identify as an old soul we don't do well with structure we kind of find Our Own Way MH is there anywhere it is gone wrong it's when wrong it has it given any wrong output which you are never expecting uh I haven't had a negative experience with a client uh so I'd like to say no uh but if somebody has experi had a bad experience with me and hasn't shared that then that's certainly something I wouldn't know uh and if that were to happen I'll just say it hopefully it puts me in a place to be self-reflective and allow me to look at how I could do better and be better so anything else you want to share or do you want to talk about I don't think so I feel we covered quite a bit so how do people can reach out to you if anybody want to reach out to you what they can do they can find me on my website it's my name chris.com how many years old it is five years usually how many years old is my website about four or five years now have to okay so is there any story behind the painting which I can see behind you is there any what any Story related to the painting which I can see be of you I mean oh that was very nice actually I mean it's yeah the mountains yeah um I I like fun and I do a lot of fun and um mountains are very powerful to have uh behind you when you're working have you been in a mountain sometime like you know I've been into lot of mountains which is in India like uh I mean your way of seeing will actually uh change a lot like you know you can see more more things which you will be otherwise ignoring yeah this is a very good uh way to say like you know energizing your own self with the things yeah I I love Mountains for a lot of reasons um I mean you I'm sure have had amazing experiences with mountains uh I can't say I've gone beyond the Rocky Mountains so but uh yeah I don't know I guess uh for me I'm more drawn to the beach I heal really well with water I um I'm a water sign so I think I very much connect to it uh and mountains I find inspiring when you are going through something difficult so I I think that's more of um my inspiration it there's a lot of power in mountains and what it could do for [Music] you yeah I think uh yeah anything else what would you say to all the abusive kids out there what what I say to what the kids those good tarma actually I'm sorry I'm not understanding the people the kids the younger kids those who got abused those those kids those yeah you have something to say to them don't be abusive ah I say it gets better uh it just is hard for a while um but it does get better and uh and you do have the power you just can't see it yet and you'll get there uh just you just have to have that willingness to it's uh I don't believe anyone deserves it I do believe we choose it for a reason though uh and yeah it's a big part of our journey and you know if anything it can make us more compassionate as individuals because it could go one way or the other you can become that which many people do uh people that are abusers were once abused that is a common aspect to anyone uh but why not use it to be more compassionate and make yourself a better human being uh so that's one thing I hope that a lot of people will hold on to even if it's a a seed to plant of try to shift that towards compassion because it'll make your life a lot better and a lot of ways yeah thank you for the giving time thank you for having me